14th September 2007

Your Mum had her last day at school on Friday. She was showered with praise and attention from the school kids and teachers. She really is very very good at what she does. It must be quite a feeling to love what you do at work. She called me on Thursday crying, said that she was upset that she was going to miss seeing these kids who she has seen grow up. She is actually sad to be leaving work. I thought I should give her a chuckle so I told her that if I were ever to leave this job I would probably leave without a word and just leave a steaming turd on the keyboard with a flag in it with a picture of me flipping the bird. I always know the right things to say!
I dreamed I was feeling Mums tummy and you were kicking away. I love laying in bed and just feeling you in there moving around. We went to the Symphony Orchestra concert on Saturday and it seems you either like or dislike applause. Every time the concert goers let loose you would do somersaults. I have also started playing guitar to you this week. I hope that we can use it to get you to sleep or stop crying if you are upset. You are just one big lab rat aren't you? Your Mum and I are going through this transition time where we need to learn different ways of communicating our frustrations. Your Mum can work herself into quite a rage and I do not help matters at all. I said to her this weekend that we don't have the luxury to indulge in this kind of arguing any more. And it is an indulgence, but I will not allow myself or your Mother to raise our voice around you. This is not what I want for you. I want you to see that we can disagree with each other but that we can solve any problems without the need to a ruckus. I promise to always be mindful of this. I talk about this kind of change a lot and that means I need to apply that philosophy to my own life. I don't like that I raise my voice sometimes. I have strong memories of my Mum and her husband having huge rows when I was there. I would come out of my room and scream at them to stop. That is not good enough to put a child through that. It is selfish and irresponsible. I write these things down and can’t help wondering how I have done, its like a time travel movie or something. Its going to be weird reading all this in the future because I will be able to recall whether I succeeded or not. Maybe you should be making notes as you read and send them to me.

I just bought some hair gel for $35. It better be good.