No speaka da English.....yet.

Dear Daughter,

I realise that the diary is a bit dry at the moment. Im sorry about that. Im sure you understand that I cannot keep the kind of momentum I started with all the time. At the moment I am also thinking a lot about the book I am going to write. Im trying to get my head around completing it, spending some time with it, thinking about the characters. I have also found that my energy levels are still quite low and it really is difficult finding stuff to write in here.

Time is like a fog at the moment, life is not full of clarity and simplicity. Days go by in a blur. For a while there I was almost afraid of what I would be going home to. I realise more and more that this is the normal reaction for fathers. We don’t have the chemical shifts that the mothers get. The changes are all mental for us and change is never easy. I love change for the way it unsettles you and keeps you on your toes. This time is about shaking you up a bit and creating new Dad pathways in the brain.

Its like when I spend time teaching you how to move your mouth into different shapes to help you learn speech. You can watch me for more than 10 minutes as I make different faces and sounds. I am mostly sticking to a couple of things so you don’t get confused. I watch you concentrating hard to try and mimic me and I realise that this is when your brain is making new connections, new pathways to ensure that once you learn you don’t have to keep re-learning. I poke my tongue out and now you are starting to do it. Its amazing to watch. I also do a lot of pursing my lips out and and going BA BA BA. I open my mouth wide and make sounds. I listen to you doing quick exhalations of breath and think that if I add this sound when I open my mouth and then make a sound it might click. I go hah hah hah aaaaaaaa (my voice goes high and low almost like singing without notes). Every day you make new sounds. Sounds that communicate things other than just hunger and frustration. You only make certain sounds when we talk to each other, or when you are on the play gym. Its like you are on the verge of working it all out, or at least working out that you can make sounds whenever you want.

When you are under the gym I can see from your face that you are trying to work out how to touch the things you see. You are also so close to sleeping past one of your feeds during the night. In fact you would have the night before if your Mum hadnt woken you up. During your checkup the nurse told her just to let you sleep through. In fact you are dropping off to sleep around 8:30 lately which is really great. I can come home and spend quality time with you and then spend time with your Mum as well as taking the poochies out for their walk.

You are so damn cute with your expressions. Even your cries are still cute. Its because we know exactly why you are doing them. Your Mum finds your cries for food very funny. You certainly show us your indignation at having to wait. You cry loudly and kick up a fuss and then when its ready we stick the bottle in your mouth and whala, quiet as a mouse. I love when you are all full up and we put you on our leg to burp. Your little face is all fat and squashed up because our hands are under your chin. Your arms hang to your sides and your eyes are closed. Other times you are in that half sleep where your hands are still trying to grap hold of things. Sometimes when you are upset your hands clasp then pull apart. When I feed you the bottle you keep trying to get my attention with your eyes. I try not to do that so you can concentrate but you make me laugh andI cannot stop from grinning.

There was another occasion that you wouldn’t go down to sleep despite being tired so when I picked you up I refused to look at you. I held you but kept my face pointing the other way. Amazingly it worked and you went off to sleep. It really is about experimenting and seeing what works. To add to this you also need to realise that we are dealing with quantum physics laws which is that things change all the time with no reason, no logic. You need to be ready to change it all again.

I bought the coolest swinging tree frame, its three frames that sit one on top of the other on a metal stick and you can spin each frame around to see the photo on the other side.

Isnt this a mesmirising clip? -

irregular flow from 4khz on Vimeo.

Dad

Is your job role suited?

I went on to the BBC science site and did a short psychology test designed to point you to the most suitable job. The results suggested the following careers I would be suited to then not suited to -:

Your results suggest that Artistic type work might suit your interests and preferences. Typical roles for Artistic types include artist, singer, designer, photographer, musician, writer and actor.

Your results suggest that Investigative type work is less likely to suit your interests. Typical roles that suit Investigative types are scientist, engineer, laboratory worker, computer programmer, pharmacist and vet.

Unfortunately my job fits into the last category. This suggests I am in the wrong job and I would not argue with that. Alternatively you could say that by doing this job I am picking up new skills that are not as natural for me to accomplish. I think I have picked up new skills and a new confidence. It could even be said that these new skills aid my existing natural skills. It could be seen as making me a well rounded individual. It could also be said that I am not in a career that befits my abilities and interests and that would also be correct.

I got to meet Brian Wilson a few years back, well sort of. He signed my Smile CD.


This is something he really never does so it was extraordinary that I was able to get this opportunity. I was in Sydney and I had managed to weasel my way into making it a working trip because of the project I was on. So the trip up and the hotel were all paid for. I am so sneaky sometimes. I had already bought the tickets to the Opera house gig so I was going no matter what. It was while I was in the office that somebody told me that he was at a record store doing a signing. I ran out of there as fast as I could. We were all very excited to be there, waiting in the line to get close to our hero. He was not overly communicative and when I finally got up there to see him he didn’t look up. I didn’t care in the slightest. I just said "thanks for everything Brian" and that was that. I was also very close to meeting his band. I had contacted a Sydney musician and he told me to give him a call. I did the day of the concert and he mentioned that he knew a few of the guys and that he might be meeting up with them and would I like to come. I nearly wet myself. In the end though he was busy recording and it didn’t happen. When I met up with him at the Opera house I must shamefully admit I was less inclined to hang out with him and I think the feeling was mutual. I can’t remember his name now, I have one of his albums somewhere. The concert was wonderful and I felt on top of the world having seen my idol and beaten 'the man' (big business) at his own game by getting a free trip. Viva la revolution.

The meaning behind ‘toe the line’ - "Toe the line" is an idiomatic expression with disputed origins. The longest-running use of the phrase, often mentioned by tourist guides, is from the British House of Commons where sword-strapped members were instructed to stand behind lines that were better than a sword’s length from their political rivals. Thus the cry to “toe the line!” was echoed to return order to the House and to quell a potential mortal conflict.

Misanthropy is a general dislike, distrust, or hatred of the human species, or a disposition to dislike and/or distrust other people. The term is also applicable to those who self-exile themselves or become loners because of the aforementioned feelings.

I love this too - he was as conspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel cake. You can also say "there’s an elephant in the room" for an obvious truth that is being ignored. Try using that next time you are at a party and someone has a booger hanging out their nose. I was going to use it to describe your Mums stomach at the moment then thought twice about it.

Finished my book and decided to try Duncton Wood.