Friday, November 30, 2007

Girls and drugs - an average day at school

I feel like I have lived for hundreds of years. Life has not gone quickly for me at all. I think the last few years have appeared to have gone more quickly and that is likely because things have stayed fairly consistent. Before that life was all over the place. I moved a lot, was studying, and working different jobs, all kinds of dramas. There are phases of my life in which I don’t seem to have retained many memories. I can hardly recall primary school in any detail. A few images flash up if I try hard. Being given the nick name Kunky, showing a Playboy I had to some boys, being teased by one of my teachers, wearing a lot of tracksuit pants, being sent to the principles office quite a bit, singing God Save the Queen (not the national anthom) at assembly, whistling for the first time in the library by accident, Mum walking me up to the gates on my first day at my new school, cloths-lining some poor kid during a football match by mistake, going behind the shelter sheds to see a girl flash, fighting a butch girl and taking longer than most to be given a pen instead of a pencil because of my left handedness. It may seem a lot but there is nothing in much detail. I was the joker in class, whether that was out of boredom or a need for attention im not sure, a bit of both probably. I was always trying to make the class laugh, not by any physical comedy, just with words usually. Admittedly farting was always a winner right through high school as well, everybody did it because the plastic seats made a great amplifier. It was also common in these seats to lean back on them so your knees were under the desktop keeping you up. It was always a scream when the back legs lost traction and the person would go flying backwards landing on the floor. During most classes in high school it was a great laugh to grab someone’s pencil case and throw it out the window. This kid Gonzo (because he looked like the Muppet of the same name) took offence one day when I did this. I ended up going to get it for him seeing he didn’t appreciate the humour. You had to watch yourself in high school as a boy. The threat of being beaten up is always there. My first day of high school a group of Year 9 kids started threatening me with the royal flush (head in the toilet) when the next door neighbour of close family friends showed up and said I was cool. I never got bothered much after that. I remember the teachers at high school were complete freaks. Mrs Eldritch had this secret smile across her face and she stunk of excessive perfume that would make you gag. My Taylor had a wig which looked like a stack hat and all the hair started from middle. He propositioned my friend Reed outside of school and talked to him about how he masturbates He was a complete perv but funnily enough one of the best teachers there. He was an intelligent man with some interesting and sad quirks. The maths teacher used to be the phys-ed teacher before he got caught peeping in the boys change rooms. Can you believe that? He wasn’t even fired. Ryan almost had a fling with the councillor; she got a crush on him because he was going through so much with his spina bifida. Its like nurses falling in love with patients, they get the job and their feelings all mixed up.

I had some major crushes during my entire schooling career. I was interested in girls from a very young age. I must have been in Grade 1 or 2 when I woke up and went into the living room where Mum and Dad were watching a movie. I lay there with them for a while and there was a scene with a stripper. I can still remember being fascinated by it. Ok not the sort of stuff you want to read im sure, but it is weird how early on my sexuality asserted itself. It also gives you some indication as to just how tortuous it was to not get my first real kiss until I was seventeen. Girls would like me fine, just not in that way. But I was obsessed with girls and it seemed so cruel and unfair that I would be so unattractive to them. Mum even asked me if I was gay at one stage because I didn’t have a girlfriend. I said to her "Mum, I like girls, they just don’t like me". What made matters worse was that my mates did great with the girls. The only one worse off than me was my old mate Nobby, he was short, thin, awkward and had a big nose and no personality. I liked him though, we were fairly good friends. I liked kids that didn’t talk much and were not too overactive. I still don’t like people who get over excited. Nobby and I used to hang out a bit. He came to stay up at my Dads place in the mountains with me and I used to go with his family to the beach. It turned out that his father was gay and living a lie. That whole family were a little strange. The father ended up leaving his wife and shacking up with some guy just a few streets away.

Nobby got in to drugs with Reed and we drifted apart. He got really bad, screwed his life up. We were all smoking dope a bit during the latter half of high school. My mates were smoking for a year or so before I felt I was able to cope with it. I never got pressured into doing something I didn’t want to do. Your Mother is exactly the same. So I took my time, made sure it was something I wanted to try. In the end I had a smoke and quickly jumped on my bike and rode home to write poetry. I wanted to see if I wrote differently, like Jim Morrison. I still have the poem. The other guys ended up going to the next stage and tried speed. After that it is easy to just keep trying stuff out because you have removed the limitations that keep you in check. Silly guys started trying heroin and that was that. By this stage I was at my new school so I didn’t see how it all came about. Ryan had gone up to Queensland and was living in an Ashram leading a very pure lifestyle. I didn’t keep in touch with the other guys as we had all gone different directions and moved from the area. I have never tried anything stronger than dope myself. Dope is a plant while other drugs are created in a plant. I just don’t want to mess with anything that dodgy. Alcohol is worse than dope, as is smoking cigarettes. It’s when you have anything in excess that problems occur. Even dope you have to be damn careful with. On two occasions it was laced with something very psychedelic. Interesting experiences but not ones I care to repeat. You have to consider this when drugs are offered to you. Are you an addictive personality? This makes all the difference because if you are then the drug will quite easily break down those walls of common sense and logic that we all have. When this happens God help you, because you simply won’t have the ability to make rational decisions. It’s like someone has opened up your skill and cut out that rational part of the brain. Your Mother has an addictive personality and her years of smoking show this. I however am not. I was never in danger of taking it to the next step. I can be extremely dogged when it comes to maintaining my values. As a teenager I decided I would never use harsh swear words and to this day I still have never used the F word or anything worse than that. Shit is my limit. I am mightily proud of this accomplishment…………………… dash nab it.