Monday, June 2, 2008

Bath time brought to you by the parent Dad

Dear Daughter,

Six months old and if i was a betting man i would put good odds on you entering a career that involves water. It is a joy watching you kicking and splashing in just enough water that you can be independent without fear of swallowing too much. You grab hold of what i call the squelchy fish and shove it in your mouth, sucking out the water trapped within. But the funniest thing is the noises you make when your ears are submerged. You obviously enjoy the sound your voice makes in your head, don't we all. I remember doing the same thing as a child. Even out of the bath you lay on your stomach and make swimming motions, arms and legs off the ground and moving back and forth like those wind up paddling water toys you can get. It also looks like you are sky diving. I am looking forward to testing out my Premiere skills and filming you doing this, then replacing the mat with open sky. Now that would be priceless.

So in honour of your nightly tributes to the Little Mermaid, I present some nautical videos to warm the shackles of ye heart. Arrrrrrrrrr.

Now i am a big big fan of Brian Wilson as you know, however i could not help but notice that there was a lot of similarities between his song from Smiles water suite and the Sons Of The Pioneer track. I'm sure this was his intention, its more my own disappointment that i thought it was entirely original. Have a listen and see if you can hear it.

Lets hope you are never this difficult, i doubt it though.

Oh dear, just loving the musical accompaniment here.

I truly do not know what to say about this.

I would really love to know the words to this one, especially the bit where the mother kicks her child across the room.

And last but far from least, the best bath song ever.

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Sunday, June 1, 2008

Night Driving Music for pale young boys

Dear Daughter,

Your Mum and I were talking about car trips we had when we were young. There was something magical about these long drives. My parents would put down the back seats and i could lay there under a blanket looking up at the stars and the passing street lights. I would imagine i was flying through space passing through galaxies. It makes me think of this song -

But if i was to name the best night time driving song it would definately be this one -

All this talk about youth and holidays reminds me of The Kinks for some reason. I guess it is their fascination in family life and all things pastoral. The Village Green album was such and extreme antithises to the popular psychedelic and rock albums being made at the time. It completely bombed however now it is lauded as a masterpiece. Another album of theirs that just didnt catch on for similar reasons was Muswell Hillbillies. A weird combination of post-war Londons housing issues due to the bombing played in a decidedly American style. This particular song is not the best representation of this however it does remind me so much of your Great Grandmothers fondness for the English obsession with tea. I was after all discussing my youth somewhere above before i did a Karma Police and lost myself.

To finish off lets list a few more great Night Driving Songs.

Forgive the quality but this HAD to be in here

And finally the best empty highway at night song ever -

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Thursday, May 29, 2008

Bill Henson over for dinner

Dear Daughter,

I have learnt this week that becoming friends with Bill Henson can be a dangerous thing indeed unless you like the idea of your child getting national coverage with her face and nude body splashed over every newpaper. It was discovered also that the model is a Melbournian, which means that there are many people out there who will recognise her face. Putting aside the artistic merit of nude child photography one cant help but feel like these parents have just opened this girl up to some major school bullying and sexual taunts in the coming year. Perhaps they should have thought of THAT when they were gushing over the idea of their child becoming immortalised.

Can i suggest to the parents that Guatemala is lovely this time of year.

It is a mans world they say, but im not sure this is my idea of the perfect world. I think misogynist world is the more appropriate term. You have to wonder if these same guys would find the 'art' in Bill's photos.

And finally, let art that retains its innocence speak for itself.

Damn i still feel like we havent balanced things out here, its time to bring in the big guns. The proponents of all that is good, strong and fair about the opposite sex.

Love Dad
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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Smart food? Proof.

Dear Daughter,

I have spent some time in meditation over your spiritual future and after some careful googling i have found the perfect faith.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster (also known as the Spaghedeity) is the deity of a religion called The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and its system of beliefs, "Pastafarianism". The religion was founded in 2005 by Bobby Henderson to protest the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution. Because intelligent design implies the existence of an intelligent, but not necessarily omnipotent or omniscient designer, some, like Henderson, argued that this designer could, in fact, be anything imaginable.

In an open letter sent to the education board, Henderson makes a mockery of the concept of an intelligent designer by professing belief in a supernatural creator called the Flying Spaghetti Monster which resembles spaghetti and meatballs.He furthermore calls for the "Pastafarian" theory of creation to be taught in science classrooms.

Dont believe me? Well here be the truth -

Love Dad

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Completely missed the point, sorry Ray, sorry Bruce

Dear Daughter,

Who said music was dead? Ray Lamontagne is one of the finest songwriters of our time. Timeless stuff.

I must confess that with this song i am applying the Born In The USA principle of ignoring the meaning of the song and focussing entirely on a subset of lyrics. In this case the words 'You will shelter me, and i will shelter you'.

Here is a good video representing the real meaning behind Born In The USA in which President Reagan totally misinterpreted the meaning of the song.

Love Dad

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Busy busy lives

Life can be a series of conflicting events following each other like a freight train. You look out the window and see all these images passing you by until it becomes a meaningless collage in your head. That is why we seek out the silence, like stops before the end of the line.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Dream a little dream of me

Last night you woke up at 9:30 very upset. I wonder if you had a bad dream about cold milk or a world without Mummies and fingers to suck. I call out to the Viking Gods of the Dreamworld to send you peace of mind. This is their response -

Thursday, April 3, 2008

The memory of sleeping

Dear Daughter,

Your Mum went through a few days of not feeling so good. She has not been taking her supplements and I think that played a big part. We think you got a little burnt on the face so she was kicking herself over this for days. She was second guessing every decision and I was beginning to think about the signs to look out for with new Mums. But I do just think it was the supplements.

The sleeping routine has been going very well. Its so important to have a plan and make sure you adhere to it. Its something you need to talk about and make sure you are both on the same page. Its amazing how many parents do not talk through this stuff.

You are really starting to kick your legs like mad in this rocker. Hi-5 gets you excited and you stop when they stop.

I came across this piece of music- Miserere by Gregorio Allegri. It is so beautiful.

It is from the 1630's and has an interesting story. The Pope at the time had forbidden to allow anyone to transcribe the music and it was only allowed to be performed at particular Church services in the Sistine Chapel. That is until 1770 when the fourteen-year-old Mozart was visiting Rome, when he first heard the piece during the Wednesday service. Later that day, he wrote it down entirely from memory (parts of this score had 10 part harmonies), returning to the Chapel that Friday to make minor corrections. Can you imagine that? Mozart was summoned to Rome by the Pope, only instead of excommunicating the boy the Pope showered praises on him for his feat of musical genius.

Some more songs for you, this time some memory songs. You know when you hear something and it brings back a memory or a place or even a smell? Well here are some of mine -

'Shes out of my life' by Michael Jackson -
I must have been very young, under 7 years old when I heard Mum sing this song in preperation for a funeral. I have the 45 still for this. I remember sitting in the living room watching Mum learn this song.

'A little bit more' by Dr Hook -
Another song from back in the pre-school days. I remember this song because I confused the line - "When your bodies had, enough of me and im laying flat out on the floor" with "When your bodies had, enough of me and the bear, walked out of the door". I remember singing this song enough times for it to have sunk in permanently.

'Soul kind of feeling' by Dynamic Hepnotics
Around the early high school years. It appealed to me for two weird reasons. The clip in which the singer has a weird head and he kept nodding it hypnotically right in the camera, and secondly because of the lines "you might be sitting alone in your room". I remember my response was the white honky version or "right on brutha". I spent so much time alone in my room during my teen years that songs like this were like secret friends who got me. Which leads to the next memory song for the same reasons -

'In my room' by The Beach Boys
This preceeds the other song by a number of years so I guess I was always a bit of a lonely kid. Brian Wilson was in my life even back before I knew who he was. As far back as I can remember I have liked this song. Which leads to the next memory song for the same reasons -

'Sloop John B' by The Beach Boys
It’s the line "I wanna go home, let me go home". I would ache with sympathy listening to this song, again at a very young age. Before Grade 3. Surely this is something to mull over, why at such a young age was I associating with loneliness?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Chimps with Ukuleles

Dear Daughter,

Here is a lovely song from Joseph Arthur.

This long weekend you finally worked out how to turn yourself around on to your stomach. The tricky part was your arm and I realised also your head. Once I worked out that you could do it if you just raised your head I gave you a few little nudges so you could understand what needed to be done. Soon after you started doing it yourself. You made such a racket working it all out. When you turned on your own the look on your face was unforgettable. It was almost triumphant. It feels really good seeing you progress along.

I learnt the song 'I'll see you in my dreams' on the Ukulele.
I love that song. You really love when I play to you. Your face just lights up, it is so lovely to be able to sing to you and make you happy. I spend heaps of time with you when I am home. I am very lucky that I can. Actually I shouldn’t be modest about this, its because I DO rather than I can.

You really enjoy sitting in your rocker in the kitchen and watching us do housework. I think you like watching all the hustle and bustle. I was listening to a talk on why humans took that next step and left the apes behind. They did studies with 2 1/2 years old and chimpanzees, giving them the same tasks. It works out that chimps can remember where food is much better but the children will learn how to do tasks in new ways by mimicking. The chimps will always stick to the old way of doing tasks despite being shown. Its interesting stuff really. Somewhere along the line the concept of improvement was applied to learning. Im sure we will see the perfect example of this in you over the coming years. Lets hope you get as smart as this fella

Love Dad

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Flipped out

Dear Daughter,

Exciting news - you flipped over. From front to back and first nearly back to front, so close. Its amazing watching as you slowly work things out bit by bit. You were using the gym as foot leverage. You were getting frustrated and crying. Mum was telling me to help you but I said to give you a bit more time. Life is about getting through these struggles and dealing with it. That lesson needs to start early. I knew you werent too upset. Eventually I gave you just a little nudge as it was long enough. I got video footage of it.

Love Dad

Monday, March 17, 2008

Look out Snoopy

Dear Daughter,

My Dad reminded me of an incident when I was a little one. I would have been very young. We had recently added little Brutus the Chihuahua to the clan and he must have been going through his teething stage, because I discovered one morning that he had assualted my teddy by chewing off his nose. My teddy was very special to me. He had been through a lot and had been thrown up on more times than anyone cares to remember, me being a sickly child and all. I recall after a particularly big chuck that we had to put Teddy into the washing machine. I was concerned for his safety so I stood in the laundry with the washing maching lid up watching him going round and round in the soapy whirlpool. I kept apologising to him but I don’t think he was in the mood, he just looked straight up at the ceiling and refused to respond. So you can imagine Teddy's mood when I came upon him lying on the floor minus a nose. I picked him up and took him down to show Mum and Dad what had happened. I didn’t have to say anything myself because Teddy could speak for himself. We walked into the bedroom and I held Teddy up in front of me so he could show my Mum and Dad what had occurred. They looked questioningly at Teddy and his missing appendage, to which his response was (in a voice that mimicked someone who had no nose) "I thuppose you fink dats funny!".

We bought the book 'Save Our Sleep' so your Mum has been reading through that every chance she gets. Not that you are any problem in this regard. Its just that we want to make sure we are setting up good sleeping habits and patterns for you. Up to this point we have waited until you are ready yourself and that has been between 8 to 9pm. The book tells us that sleep time should be 7pm so this is what we are working on doing. Last night you had a very short sleep after some drink and then we put you on the play gym (you are grabbing the toys and holding them now, more on that in a second), you got a little snooty after a while and so we put a bottle in hot water to feed you. Next thing we know you are fast asleep. It was great timing because we got to watch Biggest Loser. Then you woke up again and we gave you a little bit of drink and put you in bed by 8pm. So the transition to earlier bed has so far been working well. You have been a dream. I have said this earlier but the last couple of weeks I have become totally smitten with you. You have me for life.

We took you over to the Grandparents so we could go out to lunch and you could spend some time with the Grandparental units. We had a lovely lunch then went shopping for a while. After an hour or so of this we got totally bored and just wanted to see you again. We arrived back at the house and found you asleep. Apparently you had been a bit sooky and had cried a bit. Maybe you were missing us too.

Back to the play gym. It has been interesting watching you reaching out for the swinging toys above you. Slowly but surely you have been getting your hands near them and now you can grab them and hold them for a while. The strange thing is that once you know where they are you tend not to look at them while you make a grab. I think this is just putting two and two together. Eventually you will figure out that looking and grabbing together works a treat. The biggest change we have seen has been with the spinning toy and another one I hold that has a little star wheel that spins. Amazingly you have watched me do this and now you are reaching up and spinning them yourself, not grabbing. Its almost hard to believe but it is clear you are trying to spin them because you are getting better and better at it. So feel proud of yourself.

I have started calling you Snoopy. Go figure.

My favourite thing in the world to do right now is pick you up and give you a big kiss. At this stage you are not complaining so im taking advantage of this and will get a lifetimes worth of kisses in a few months. When I hold you im kissing the back of your head. When im burping you im kissing your head. When im changing you im blowing rasberries on your tummy. Im waiting for the time that you actually find that amusing. You are taking great comfort in our hugs at the moment. We also have a lovely time sitting together after a bottle watching the TV together. I have one hand round your back and one hand holding your left foot. I do this with the dogs too actually, how weird is that.

It is an amazing thing to know that we are picking up your sounds and interpreting them correctly. Makes us feel like we are on the right track.

Another thing I am doing with you every day is playing the Ukulele. You just love it. I have played Over the rainbow, The wheels on the bus, Twinkle twinkle and Incy wincy spider (which I have beeen singing Itsy Bitsy spider until your cousin came over and sung it while I was playing). I make sure I spend time communicating with you and then also letting you do your own thing so you are not reliant on being entertained. I love our quality time though, sometimes I have to tell myself to leave you be.

Love Dad

Friday, March 14, 2008

Like Father look like Daughter

Dear Daughter,

Mum said she saw you grab your feet for the first time. I can also hand you things to grab and you will hold them quite well. You are just on the threshold of figuring all this out. I love watching the concentration on your face as you look at the toys swinging above you. It is obvious you would love to grab them and stick them in your mouth.

I saw more photos that Grandpa brought over of me as a kid. Good lord do we look alike. If you stay looking like me I guess I can see what you will look like. I got my Dads shaped eyes, my Mums were much rounder, just like your Mum. You have my shaped eyes it seems. Is that a good or bad thing?

I must also point out that over the past two weeks something has changed in me again. I find now that I am just loving spending lots of time with you and don’t have that little pang of annoyance I was getting when you slept less than expected or whatever. Remember my earlier post about this? Now I am finding that I look forward to your waking up so I can kiss you and hug you and play talking games. Im really enjoying your company in other words. Perhaps this is just the normal progression of things. Firstly change can shock you and your mind rejects it, then after a while you get used to the new way of things and that becomes the new normal.

I am having more success at feeding you than Mum is at the moment, while she is having much more success getting you to sleep when you are in the cot. What a team.

Love Dad

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The war on Possomism

Dear Daughter,

We have just had a long weekend. My battle with the possums continues. So far they have been winning the battles but they will not win the war. Over the past couple of years they have been desimating our oak tree and waking me up with their noises just outside the bedroom window. Im sick of it and have been fixing it so they cannot get to the tree any more. I have put a chicken wire fence right across the roof, I have chopped back the holly tree so they cant jump across to that. I have been trying to prevent them coming along the power line and also have put plastic around the tree trunks. Each evening at dusk I head outside and see where they are getting in to the tree. Last night I thought I had finally blocked all their access points but then I heard a rustling in a smaller tree next door and somehow they managed to grab the end of a branch on the gum tree and drag themselves up it. I couldn’t believe how clever these buggers are. So this afternoon I am removing that limb. Lets see how they fare then!

Mum said that you should be able to grab hold of things now so we tried that out. You still cannot quite grab things and hold them yet but I did put a grabbing toy in your hand. You held on to it for a little while. Its still kinda weird that you are progressing according to how all the books predict.

It is incredible to see you use your voice more each day. Finding new sounds and using certain sounds to express yourself. We know your hungry cry now. Im almost certain that you have a singing voice you use when we are singing to you. You have your very happy high pitched yelp and your converstional monkey like ooh ooh which is my favourite. When we make you smile you make this funny kind of high pitched sound that starts croaky. We are recording what we can so you will be able to hear it for yourself I hope.

This was also the big move for you. You are now in your cot. This was an exciting development. I cant believe the pace of all this. Today you are 3 months old. It has been an amazing time. Sometimes a sleepy blur and other times a thrill of discoveries for both yourself and us. The cot move happened over the weekend during the day only. But Mum decided that we should just keep you in there so you could get used to it. The first day you kept waking up; I imagine it was a little strange to open your eyes and see new things around you instead of the white cotton walls of your bassinet. Its like when you first went into that, you had all this room to grow and already you are a bit too big for it so now we are back to you being a tiny thing in a big bed. And now we will see you fill up this space as well. Do you know I was walking at 7 months, I really hope you don’t follow my lead.

Most people are saying we are the spitting image of each other. I must admit I think so too. Looking at the baby photos of me it is amazing. I am sure that you will look more like your Mum when you get older. Did I mention that someone said they think that most babies look like their father so the fathers will not reject them. This has some truth to it. Looking way back in the tribal days where there was no such thing as monogamy. Evolution had to find a way to ensure that the child would be protected. By looking like the father they would know whos it is and that male would want to protect the baby. Its interesting, I wonder if this has been studied? Well I googled this and found a NY Times article that does seem to offer this as a possibility. Another study, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior in 2003, seems to support this as well.

Goodness are you drinking a lot more now. Yesterday you just kept drinking. I mean hundreds of mils kept disappearing down your throat. We will need to be on the big bottles soon.

You have also started to fall asleep wherever you are. On the play gym and the rocking chair of yours. I watch you start to slow your movements and your arms begin to hang to your sides. Then your eyes get heavy and whammo, sleeping baby.

On Sunday I bought you a Mother Goose CD and a Play School CD. They are really terrific. Oh and I went over to your Grandparents house with your Grandpa actually there for the first time in a few years. Your Mum is a wise soul. She said she is filled with so much love for you that she just cannot be bothered holding on to any bad feelings any more. So a few weeks back she went over so your Grandad to see you for the first time. And he fell in love with you the second he saw you. Couldn’t stop saying how beautiful you are. As for me, well I have sort of reacted the opposite and got angrier at people. But I have taken your Mums advice in this matter and so I went over as well. He didn’t say hello to me and so I just sat on the ground talking to you. I guess it was good for him to see how doting I am on you as he really doesn’t know me at all. Then when we were leaving he was in the backyard and I was holding you. So I went back there and said say goodbye to grandpa. Your Mum thinks this would have been a big thing for him and he did follow us to the car to say goodbye. So this is a big lesson that you can never be truly certain of anything or anyone. Sometimes you have to listen to others and do what might first appear against the grain if it means good will come of it.

As this diary continues I will try and remember key songs that I believe are quintessential tracks to hear. So the first song I wish to add is -:

'What becomes of the broken hearted' which was originally a hit by Jimmy Ruffin who I know nothing about. It is one of those key songs in the Motown era. The house band who recorded so many of these great songs - The Funk Brothers play on this track. In the wonderful film Standing In The Shadows Of Motown, Joan Osborne does an incredible version of this song. It was quite shocking because she blew the others out of the water, this little croaky voiced white girl showed the most 'soul'. It also comes in at an emotional moment in The Wonder Years show. Its that bitter sweet line "But happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion" which effected me the most.

'Love Is Stronger Than Death' by The The.
The whole Dusk album came at the right time for me, it struck a chord. Songs that dealt with desperation and sadness but also filled with a sense that good things will come if you just allow it. It was me made into an album. At that time I was desperate to understand what love meant. I was battling my self doubt and just trying to learn from my experiences. The message in this song was extremely simple but totally effective. I love his line "Me and my friend were walking, In the cold light of mourning" (no not a spelling mistake). It starts off as this dark and desolate scene only to turn it on its ear and tell us that tears may blind your eyes but the soul is not deceived. It then bursts into this unabashedly joyous chorus in which springtime has arrived and the tears have dried. That everything that dies will rise because love is stronger than death. In the second verse he talks about hungering for what we cant have and not saying the things we want to say because we are too afraid of rejection. But in the end the spirit will speak and be a guide for us to be more than we are if we only listen. It also links with my belief in the Kundalini. The last lines are Shall rise Shall rise. As far as the album info, Johnny Marr of The Smiths played guitar on it. I remember an interview with the Producer and him saying that is the only album he ever produced that he kept listening to just because he loved it so much. I love the sound of this album in that it had space and yet still have a real atmosphere to it. This song proves that you don’t have to be complicated to make a song sound great. His album Infected was also voted album of the decade somewhere.

'Silent All These Years' by Tori Amos - I get emotional just thinking about this song. Im not one to always get lyrics, they either grab me and I take something from them or I tend to think of them as just sound. Even this song I couldn’t tell you what it means exactly, its just a few lines and the music itself that get me. Her lyrics are never obvious and are like abstract paintings that mean very different things for each person. This is an album for women, THE album for women or girls becoming women. Specific words jump out at me as separate ideas rather than a jigsaw puzzle. Like a Ginsberg poem in that those words together just work. "I got the anti-christ in the kitchen yelling at me again". "Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape, "So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts". Actually there isnt a line that isnt beautiful in its own right. The section that makes me tear up is I guess the bridge in which it cresecends in sound and emotion. The lines are repeated in delay and then come back together again at the peak and then suddenly the song is quiet again. Wow, just inspired songwriting at its best. When I read it back now, I am reminded of another song on the album called Me And A Gun which is a very literal account of her being raped. I now realise that this song is also perhaps about that. When I think of it that way the line "boy you best pray that I bleed real soon" takes on a different meaning. I always took this line in the sarcastic sense. So I guess this is different to the other songs I have mentioned because it makes me think about women who have suffered more than anything related to my own life.

Love Dad

Friday, March 7, 2008

Stepping out - A comedy

Your Mum has decided to try wrapping you with your arms out now. It’s a calculated risk but you always end up with your arms out anyway. The risk is that you keep hitting yourself in the head and waking yourself up all the time.

We all had our first night out. We went to a family friends home to see the renovations. I was a little nervous about how you would go. I thought it might upset you by us changing the routine. But as our friend pointed out, you have to fit into our lifestyle not the other way around. In the end you were fantastic as usual and we intend to do this more often. A point of contention was about whether we wake you up if you are asleep to take you out. We still tend to think its better to let you wake up yourself. We believe your sleep is important for your development and we need to be flexible about it. What we did was open all the doors and made more noise and eventually (30 minutes) you woke up. Our friend believes you just wake a baby up but I don’t agree. We have found that it seems to mess with your clockwork too much and you find it hard to settle for hours after.

You found your big laugh today. Mum called up and I got to hear you. There is a few laughs actually. A really high one and one with lots of aaahs. You were on your rocker which you now love kicking your legs like mad which makes it rock (you discovered how to do that yesterday). We were very excited by this development as it is very funny to listen to you make these sounds and you can see the excitement in your eyes as you find your voice.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Happenings both home and abroad

Looking back at this week I think there has been some big developments going on. The most obvious is that you are reaching out to grab things now. You look like you have cerebal palsy still, arms don’t go exactly where you want them to, but its getting there. This means that you are now aware that you have arms. You are also tending to smile only to the people you really know instead of anyone. This means that you recognise individuals by sight and you are understanding those who you see most often.

Another big thing has been your attempts to roll on to your front. You are getting so close to success; your arms go over and then your leg; your head is facing the floor and its just that last little roll that isnt quite happening.

We got some great nursery rhymes from the library as well as a great DVD with music and different shapes to stimulate your brain. You love both of them. Mum was saying that your memory is getting better at this stage so when she puts the CD back on you get excited as you recognise the songs. I went and bought a Ukulele yesterday so I didn’t have to lug a big guitar to you, it just wasn’t happening. This is much much better. I played you a little song I made up on the walk home from the station (I must have looked like a wandering minstral) and you really enjoyed it. I cant wait to learn lots of songs for you. The aim is to create consistency for you at nights. Massage, Bach, quiet and a bedtime song (which I want to be See You In My Dreams).

Yesterday morning because it was so hot, Mum left you in the living room. Problem with that is I get up in the morning for work and have nowhere to get ready without waking you up. So we tried to creep in and pick up the bassinet and take it into your room. You were already stirring so by the time we were carrying you to the room you opened your eyes, saw me and started smiling away - "Hello Daddy, I see you". It is impossible to ignore your smiles, they are so cute. Mum and I just grinned at each other. But I kept quiet and we closed the door so Mum could express some milk and I could keep getting ready for work.

I was listening to a Podcast on an event I completely forgot about. I cant even remember where I heard it but as soon as I heard the first few bars I remembered. It was Marvin Gaye singing Stars and Stripes at the 1983 NBA All Star Game (it was also his last televised performance before his death). It really connected with people and became one of those happenings. Happenings are in my mind events that can have a profound impact on people and become part of cultural identity or even the global identity. Its an event that people talk about and remember for the rest of their life. Here are some I thought of quite quickly -

Marvin Gaye performance - nothing like this had ever been done before at a more conservative event. An interpretation of the national anthem. Its shook the country. Apparently the rehearsal went really badly.

This wasn’t a happening for me but I cant leave it out because it was even bigger than Gayes version. It spoke to a generation of Americans, most of them were hippies!

Australia 2 wins Americas Cup. This one I remember very well. I was screaming along with everyone else. I was watching it live at about 6am in the morning in the living room and it was a historic win (America had won it since 1851). It was a collective celebration. Its sort of the moment that Australia grew up and was recognised. It was the single biggest sporting moment in our history. It didn’t matter that most people knew nothing about it before this. I went crazy. To me it is these kind of happenings that prove there is a collective unconscious. The special winged keel which was kept a secret added to the mystique. Also read

Muhammad Ali lights Olympic torch 1996. This has never left me. I was in tears watching this great man light the cauldron. There is so many levels going on here. He was the greatest most recognised sportsman ever and a great man to boot. Then there is his parkinsons which showed the world that nobody is infallible. It was such a shock to see him there for both these reasons. Nobody could have guessed he would be there as he really never appeared in the media. I suggest you watch Rumble in the jungle to understand what the fuss is about. It was a worldwide event, a great moment in history.

Kathy Freemans at the Sydney Olympics was also up there. The most shocking was the 92Barcelone Cauldron lighting. This guy had to practice and practise to ensure he got it right.

MASH - goodbye, farewell and amen. Ok so it’s a TV show, but it was the longest running show at that time and when it finally ended it was a really big deal. It helped that the final episode was amazing. The end of something like this is almost heart breaking. Its like a death. Something like 85 million people watched this final show. That is incredible. Think about it. The most personally emotional final show for me was The Wonder Years. I watched it with Martin and then on the drive home I had to stop the car because I was sobbing. It represented the end of my innocence as well. Time to become an adult, it was the death of my youth. A watershed moment. A great final episode can be almost unbearable to watch because it hurts so much.

Michael Jackson Moonwalks - Motown 25 years- 1983. This was worldwide news which is a little weird in some ways. But I think the combination of an amazing dance step never seen before with such and incredible song was enough to cause ripples and herald a new mega stars arrival. People saw this few seconds and just went WHAT WAS THAT! Thriller came along soon after this. He was totally unique and the world had not seen anything like this since the days of the musical in the 20s and 30's. I only saw it on the news, not the whole performance. In fact it was years before I finally saw it all. This was before the likes of youtube!

Princess Diana dies - well this was a big shock as well. Again im not a royalty fan or anything but I felt this collective shock at her death and I guess the media coverage which was exhausting makes it hard for you not to be involved. She was a good woman who got screwed over. The world was a lesser place without her.

Kurt Cobain dies - John Lennons death was bigger but I just have no memories of it. Not sure why really. But this one really rocked me. I was so upset by his feeling like he had to take his own life. It was sad but also the worst possible thing for our generation. He spoke to a lot of disillusioned people and whether he liked it or not he was someone we looked to for inspiration. I grew up in a generation of no heros and very few people you could look up to. I don’t really think there were any great people for the youth to gravitate towards. The 80's were all about making money and personal gain. Our movies and music really show this. I just had a hard time with what Kurt did and still think that a few years and he would have been relatively left alone. There are also the obligatory conspiracy theories that he was murdered.

9/11 - not much I can say about this one that isnt really obvious. It’s the biggest thing to happen in my life because America is so similar in many ways to us. It is certainly not the worst thing that has happened in my time; bombs go off killing hundreds far too often in the Middle East. But again this was about the footage, images that burnt into your brain. It was always going to be a spectacle, a macabre blockbuster. Compare this to the killing fields in Cambodia which happened when I was a child and you see that it pales in comparison .(The executed were buried in mass graves. In order to save ammunition, the executions were often carried out using hammers, axe handles, spades or sharpened bamboo sticks. Some victims were required to dig their own graves; their weakness often meant that they were unable to dig very deep. The soldiers who carried out the executions were mostly young men or women from peasant families. Estimates of the number of dead range from 1.7 to 2.3 million out of a population of around 7 million.) But because we actually got to witness the gigantic buildings crashing down it was always going to be given more impact than it deserved. I don’t pretend not to be a media voyeur so I was glued to the TV for days.

Watching Breakfast Club for the first time - this was the film of my generation. It spoke to me so completely. Martin and I would watch this all the time, must have seen it well over 100 times. We knew pretty much all the lines and would turn the volume down and do the lines ourself. Im not sure if it will mean anything to you or not. I wanted to be Judd Nelson and I did start dressing like him and growing my hair. I think we were the pissed off generation. We had issue with authority, sub cultures were popping up everywhere from goth to sporto's to geeks. All of a sudden it became really important for you to fit into a category and define yourself by that. Music, film and fashion started to break into sub categories and it was really the end of the super groups that everyone listened to. There was no Beatles or the like. U2 were the closest thing. Nobody wanted to be ordinary any more and the influence of media really started to have an impact on peoples perceptions. At the time I thought it all very dull. But then as a group we all made a point of looking pissed off. It was our shtick.

The Young Ones Episode 1. This was my cult TV show. It was rude, silly, crazy and spoke to our generation of dissefected youth. I mentioned before how things started to get broken down into sub groups. Genres of music became much more obvious and having these four very different characters living together was the perfect expression of this. It is hard to explain how entrenched this show got in our lives. We could literally go for hours just saying quotes from the show. It became part of our language, much like the Simpsons did later. It was a huge part of my youth and that first time I sat down and watched what all the fuss was about, I was in teenage heavan.

Ash Wednesday. This was a really scary time. Major fires were occuring all around the Yarra Valley. I remember walking out on the patio, it was pitch dark and in the distance I could see a red glow and all around me white ash was falling like snow. It was apocalyptic and may have fueled my obsession with that genre.

Protest march against the war in Iraq - 2006. I had never been involved in a march before. I am not community minded enough which is a failing. But this war was so obviously wrong and motivated by greed that I was compelled to join along with the many many thousands in voicing my outrage. I went with Charles and we really felt like we were part of something very special. A collective voice and mind marching down Swanston Street to the City Square. It was very emotional and very spiritual in a way. When a collective of people all have their attention on one thing it can be very powerful. It didn’t help much really because these people just do what they want anyway, however it did end up contributing to the downfall of both John Howard and UK PM Blair who agreed to send troops to aid America in this illegal invasion. It is a fascinating psychological phenomena to realise that it is the US that has committed acts of evil on a scale never seen before using chemical weapons of mass destruction (Hiroshima) and yet we ignore that and fear the middle eastern guy who in the end didn’t even have any built! There is no videos from Melbourne but watch this one.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Short and sweet, just like this post.

I added this entry in note form so I will make it nice and simple.

You have on a couple of occasions slept up to 8 hours in one go. What a change. Mum is not having to nap as much now.

We took you to your first Doctors visit because your left eye was all yucky - it was sort of conjunctivitis - tear duct clogged in left eye. You had some antibiotic drops.

One of my favourite things is chatting to you on the change table. I love our 15 minute chats when I get home. You love putting your feet against my chest and kicking madly. I have started biting your hand and kissing it now you seem to know its yours a bit more.

You follow me with your eyes when I move around. You can see me from a longer distance now. So when we walk past you while you are on the floor you turn your head and watch us go. One special moment was when you were laying on mum with your head just under her shoulder all sleepy, I came over and leaned across the couch and said "hello sweet girl". You opened your eyes and gave me a smile, then closed them again. Oh how you can melt a heart.

You went to a first birthday party on Sunday. You slept most of the time actually. Everyone thinks you are very pretty.

Mum loves your chubby legs which are also very smooth. My sisters legs were much chubbier though, i keep telling her that all the time. They were so squeezable.

A couple of occasions I have closed a door when Mum is holding you. Your mouth suddenly turns down and you start to cry, so funny. You are very particular sometimes about noise and other times its not an issue. You certainly advise us when you are displeased.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

No speaka da English.....yet.

Dear Daughter,

I realise that the diary is a bit dry at the moment. Im sorry about that. Im sure you understand that I cannot keep the kind of momentum I started with all the time. At the moment I am also thinking a lot about the book I am going to write. Im trying to get my head around completing it, spending some time with it, thinking about the characters. I have also found that my energy levels are still quite low and it really is difficult finding stuff to write in here.

Time is like a fog at the moment, life is not full of clarity and simplicity. Days go by in a blur. For a while there I was almost afraid of what I would be going home to. I realise more and more that this is the normal reaction for fathers. We don’t have the chemical shifts that the mothers get. The changes are all mental for us and change is never easy. I love change for the way it unsettles you and keeps you on your toes. This time is about shaking you up a bit and creating new Dad pathways in the brain.

Its like when I spend time teaching you how to move your mouth into different shapes to help you learn speech. You can watch me for more than 10 minutes as I make different faces and sounds. I am mostly sticking to a couple of things so you don’t get confused. I watch you concentrating hard to try and mimic me and I realise that this is when your brain is making new connections, new pathways to ensure that once you learn you don’t have to keep re-learning. I poke my tongue out and now you are starting to do it. Its amazing to watch. I also do a lot of pursing my lips out and and going BA BA BA. I open my mouth wide and make sounds. I listen to you doing quick exhalations of breath and think that if I add this sound when I open my mouth and then make a sound it might click. I go hah hah hah aaaaaaaa (my voice goes high and low almost like singing without notes). Every day you make new sounds. Sounds that communicate things other than just hunger and frustration. You only make certain sounds when we talk to each other, or when you are on the play gym. Its like you are on the verge of working it all out, or at least working out that you can make sounds whenever you want.

When you are under the gym I can see from your face that you are trying to work out how to touch the things you see. You are also so close to sleeping past one of your feeds during the night. In fact you would have the night before if your Mum hadnt woken you up. During your checkup the nurse told her just to let you sleep through. In fact you are dropping off to sleep around 8:30 lately which is really great. I can come home and spend quality time with you and then spend time with your Mum as well as taking the poochies out for their walk.

You are so damn cute with your expressions. Even your cries are still cute. Its because we know exactly why you are doing them. Your Mum finds your cries for food very funny. You certainly show us your indignation at having to wait. You cry loudly and kick up a fuss and then when its ready we stick the bottle in your mouth and whala, quiet as a mouse. I love when you are all full up and we put you on our leg to burp. Your little face is all fat and squashed up because our hands are under your chin. Your arms hang to your sides and your eyes are closed. Other times you are in that half sleep where your hands are still trying to grap hold of things. Sometimes when you are upset your hands clasp then pull apart. When I feed you the bottle you keep trying to get my attention with your eyes. I try not to do that so you can concentrate but you make me laugh andI cannot stop from grinning.

There was another occasion that you wouldn’t go down to sleep despite being tired so when I picked you up I refused to look at you. I held you but kept my face pointing the other way. Amazingly it worked and you went off to sleep. It really is about experimenting and seeing what works. To add to this you also need to realise that we are dealing with quantum physics laws which is that things change all the time with no reason, no logic. You need to be ready to change it all again.

I bought the coolest swinging tree frame, its three frames that sit one on top of the other on a metal stick and you can spin each frame around to see the photo on the other side.

Isnt this a mesmirising clip? -

irregular flow from 4khz on Vimeo.


Monday, February 18, 2008

Dog Day Morning, Afternoon and Evening

The funniest thing has started happening. When we put you on your play gym (that’s just the blanket with toys swinging above you) I noticed you kept looking across to the TV. It kept getting your attention so I switched to ABC and Sesame Street was on (with one of the guys who used to be on the show when I was a little one). You were transfixed with Big Bird and all the colours. We have been having a big laugh over this. How many times have you heard about parents who cant be bothered so they just plant their child in front of the TV. And here we are doing that very thing………….. and you are just 8 weeks old!!!!!

Friday you got your first series of shots. Grandma went with you and Mum. It was very quiet there which is apparently quite strange, there are usually hundreds of babies waiting. You were asleep and so it was not a pleasant wake up to have three needles jammed in your leg. You screamed, Mum started crying, and then the biggest shock of all, your Gran was crying and couldn’t stop. I have only ever seen her cry when she saw you for the first time, that’s it. Apart from that time I have never seen more than one emotion from her. Bubbly English. The ladies had to get her a cup of tea and sit her down.

Saturday was the worst day so far. You did not sleep at all and screamed for a lot of the day. This is what happens when babies get all these shots. We both struggled but we didn’t admit that to each other until later. If you ask us today if we are thinking of having another baby our answer would be NO! I think it is because of what sort of couple we are. We do like quiet, we do want time to do what we want and we don’t like noise and too much activity. We think that if we add another child to the mix it will become that sort of house. I don’t think either of us is interested in that kind of lifestyle which is what happens when you have multiple children. Time will tell all.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Pulling an all nighter, sorta

You slept 4 hours and 5 hours last night, WOW. Hope this is the shape of things to come. It means your Mum gets longer blocks of sleep during the night and less naps required during the day.

You did another huge poo, sorry but this is the exciting stuff for us. All parents worry about no poo.

You are also spending more time on the floor under the play gym. You keep yourself amused for longer periods of time looking around at all the colours. Its really nice to see. It takes you away from us holding you and enables you to start working the legs and arms.

We gave you the dummy again. Not for a long time but it helped settle you a bit.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Those age lines have arrived.

My Mums cousin, his wife and two kids came for a visit (for the first time ever) this weekend. I was feeding you on the recliner. The second that they entered the house and got a look at you, you threw up all over me. It was the most incredible timing. You always throw up on me the most you bugger.

You finally did a poo after a long wait. This is what our life is at the moment. Getting excited over poo and wee. It is so essential that you cant help but talk and think about it. That and temperature.

You were quite upset last night, working yourself up to a real tis. There was nothing really working and your Mum had gone to get some sleep but that didn’t work out. In the end she went and bought a dummy. It worked for a little bit but you don’t seem that interested with it.

I hit one of those brick walls today. Im getting over all these visitors, its too much. We need to cut it down a bit. Nine days in a row someone showed up. I have told your Mum that one day of the weekend needs to be just us.

We got some beautiful smiles and even more vocalising. A couple of new sounds we had not heard before. Mum says its like you are looking into her soul when you stare up the way you do. You really stare intently. Even amongst cries you smile. The sounds you make are so special. Sounds of hapiness and security. You feel safe with us.

I decided that I am more mind tired than phsyically tired. I don’t think I look tired most of the time. I think it might be about finding a new level. Im not sure.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Smiling is peculiar to the species

I have been thinking about the continuation of this diary and its readability. Surely you would not be able or even be interested in my detailing everything that goes on each day with you. I think a broader impression would serve better given this is going to be huge.

The last week you have started to smile quite a lot. For a parent this is obviously a big change and a welcome one. To see that smiling face look up at you is the best feeling in the world. On the flipside you have started to cry a little more when you get tired. We listen to the sounds you make to try and distinguish what they all mean. You are making more sounds now and I make lots of faces to you like mama and papa and dada and poking my tongue out going mmnnnnn.
This helps you because you try to mimic these shapes with you mouth which then leads to you developing speech. Most of the time you just stare at me and smile, but other times you really try to make the same face.

You are only 7 weeks which is hard to fathom and your progress is going along beautifully. Your Mother is just wonderful however my biggest surprise after your birth has been me. I always thought given my past that I would be more maternal than I am. I thought I would have almost more motherly instincts than fatherly simply because I was brought up around woman and I have always been in touch with that part of me as well. The thing is, your Mum is so instinctually good at all this that I have found no need or reason to try and switch that side of me on. Instead I now must learn to embrace what it is to be the Father, allowing your Mother to play her role.

Another surprise (although it shouldn’t have been) is that I still tend to get a little anxious and really need my own chill out time. It’s not unreasonable but I guess I was expecting to have unlimited energy and patience. I have to admit to myself that sometimes I wish you would just stay asleep so I can just chill out. This is something I am struggling with as I find myself feeling guilty about it. But the reality is that I go off to work before 7am, come home and dedicate the rest of the night to you until I go to bed. It is draining and I should recognise that it is hard.

This diary helps me no end and I have been thinking about this a lot. I want you to know where my head is at, even if it embarrasses me to admit things that I would rather keep to myself. But by now I have taught you that nobody is infallible. Learning things about yourself does not stop once you reach adulthood, far from it. Its just that many adults choose to ignore it and stay doggedly blindfolded to changing things about themselves because they can.

Just bought Taking the Quantam Leap by Fred Alan Wolf.
Reading Take a Girl Like You by Kingsley Amis.
Trying to get through some Peter Carey short stories at home, its not going so well!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

And now a quick recap of todays news...

We just had the Australia Day long weekend, or invasion day as many see it. I have come through it a little tired but gratified by the changes I see in you. You have hardly slept at all during the last few days, catching small naps here and there but nothing like before. All of a sudden you have become much more aware of your surroundings.

I think these first few months are like slowly emerging from a heavy mist. You not only see things more clearly, you also appear more focused and attentive. During feeding time (I love the connotation of feeding time at the Zoo) you look into my eyes. I make shapes with my mouth, poke out my tongue and raise my eyebrows. These actions are usually met by the famous frown. About half way through a bottle I take it out and burp you which inevitably leads to you crying loudly at the injustice. At times when I offer the bottle back you are not quite ready to keep drinking. Another bout of crying and vigorous wriggling ensues. I either put you on my shoulder or walk you around for a while until you calm, or I begin to make the sucking motion with my own mouth. It is surprising how often this actually works. You see and hear my sucking and you begin to mimic me. This could prove the belief that you perceive internal and external as the same thing.

I think my favourite thing right now is when you sleep on me. I walk you around until you close your eyes then get myself comfortable on the couch. You lay stomach down on me and you sleep so restfully. As I breathe you move up and down like you are floating in the sea. Our hearts beat close to each other and I can look down at your face and wonder. And just like me you have to find your sweet spot, you raise yourself up all sleepy faced and turn your head to face the other direction. Sometimes you bury your face into me just like Carnie does, your little hands close to your mouth and I wonder if you can breathe. After some time I find your occasional wriggling has moved you down to my stomach and you are now lying crossways on me, legs dangling over the side.

You are getting so long that you hardly fit in the bath now. It’s only been six weeks and you are getting too big for things. My God this all happens quickly. You also spun completely round in the bassinet which is totally bizarre, I still don’t know how you accomplished this.

We went out to lunch on Saturday and saw the movie Juno while Nan Baker looked after you. It is good practice for her. We can only really have three people feed you otherwise it gets too confusing. We all have our own methods. Have I mentioned we have been working through the entire 7 seasons of Deep Space 9? We are doing well, I think we are up to Season 6 now. Quite a lot of viewing but you need something to watch when it’s feeding time for the little monkey. Which feels like all the time.

I tend to annoy your Mum trying to make sure she gets enough sleep. I have been backing off on this as she can look after herself. I still remind her but don’t push the subject. I think she is getting a decent amount now at night and once you add the afternoon or evening nap with the morning nap it adds up to enough. For me it is really kind of important that I know I can go to bed at 10:30 for work the next day. If I don’t I just cant function. I spend the next day in a daze. It’s funny that the first song I wrote down for you relates to us getting sleep, and I wrote it before you arrived.

So here is a quick run through of things we are noticing at the moment - we have started putting you under the mini gym a few weeks back but it’s only now that you are more interested. You particularly like the ones that spin. You are focusing on things more than ever, discovering new things so we are stimulating you a lot more with visuals. We are chilling out a lot more now and just going with the flow, both just automatically doing things that need doing without being told. People are saying your face is changing, that you have my eyes, others saying you have more of your Mum in your features now, that you look less new born. You are six weeks today, so much growth. You are stretching like a little plant finding the sun. Your socks no longer fit. There was a jump suit that fit fine one week then suddenly your little legs were too long, so Mum just cut the legs off. You definitely love being with us, you enjoy our cuddles and our voices. We continue to try and understand you more and observe, tune in to what you need.

Just finishing John Updike's - Bech: A Book. What an amazing writer. What prose.

Also finished Cormac McCarthy's - No Country For Old Men - it wasn’t as satisfying as I had hoped.

Found the Lost Lennon Tapes in Podcast version. This is a must for you to listen to.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Breaking out of the comfort zone.

Can you see how this diary has changed? I guess it will be this way for a little while as I still find a routine and some energy to keep this going. I find that any down time I get I just want to veg out and watch Deep Space 9 episodes. My biggest surprise so far has been the way your Mum has stepped up and really become the patient one of the both of us. Still for me I tend to get a little impatient if I know that I will be up until late and have to get up to work the next day. But your Mum shows such fortitude and unwavering enthusiasm. She has all this energy and going from someone who cherished sleep it has been amazing to me that she gets up after a couple of hours sleep with no complaints. Not that she necessarily wakes up straight away.

On Saturday morning around 2am I heard you begin your sequence of waking up which leads to crying if you are not on your toes. I heard you first and as it was Mum who was getting up I said her name to gently wake her up.

"Little ones rousing"
"Little ones waking up"
"nnnn its ok"
"Its ok I have her"
"What do you mean?"
"(getting agitated) I have her, im holding her"
"What are you talking about?"
"Im holding her now its ok"
"Honey what are you on about, she’s waking up"
"What? Oh, ok".

I have had these kinds of conversations with her before. She gets confused with dream and the waking world. She finally wakes up and goes to prepare the milk for you. Apparently she was dreaming at that very moment about holding you. I actually got up myself a few minutes later to just check that she hadn’t remained confused and fed the bottle to Pippy and put you on the girls bed next to Carnie.

You will be very proud to know that you still drink more, poo more and fart louder than all the other babies at Mothers Group. When we burp you it’s the cutest thing to watch. You stretch out your arms and your legs and make a big groaning sound. We call it the 'Superman'. On Sunday night you were very thirsty indeed and downed about 150mls or more of milk. I had you over my shoulder (you can see what’s coming cant you, I wish I could have) and with no warning at all you threw up the whole lot right down my front. I was soaked. You had this satisfied look on your face after that, then proceeded to demand more milk! Argggghhhhhhhhh.

Mum joined in with me singing Frère Jacques while we were changing you. Your little face went into this state of concentration as you were listening to us. You really seemed to enjoy it. I think it must emit some good vibrations. Perhaps your relative calmness can be attributed to our approach to parenting. We are both very calm people and they do say babies just mirror back what they are surrounded by. I love giving both of you a hug. I’m not sure I have properly explained to you yet but I sing to you almost all the time. A lot more than I just speak. Speaking is singing in some way and so I think making it more pronounced can only help you understand language quicker later.

Your Mum loves our bath time together. She was telling me that one of the other new Dads from her Mums group loves to have shower time with his little one. That would be so funny seeing your face as the water hit you. Apparently they just moved the nozzle down so it didn’t get in their eyes. Have I told you that you have discovered my chest hair and grab it with those strong little fingers and refuse to let go? Now that smarts.

I’m very proud of the way we your Mum and I work together. I think our relationship is deepening in some really special ways. We both have made some changes regarding how we handle times of frustration and how to handle each other when this happens. At Mums Group some of the women were saying they have never argued so much with their husbands. For us it is quite different. We keep an eye out for each other and also talk about our approach to looking after you so we can make sure everything is consistent. This means small stuff as well like burping and wrapping and how to wipe your bum. We are a well oiled machine at the moment. I think I am doing a good job of keeping your Mum mentally on track as she tackles what to do with breastfeeding. Sometimes you have to just say “this is how it’s going to happen”, rather than make it a discussion. It is tiring stuff for her and it important to keep her looking at the big picture and counting your wins as well as your losses.

Listening to the John Safran Podcast last night and there was a man who spent time in jail and has since turned his life around. He read a lot of books and worked out what successful people had in common and tried to apply it to his life. Three things stood out to me. Firstly they all were brutally honest with themselves, secondly they denied themselves certain things to learn how to break out of their comfort zones and lastly that they all jealously guard their reputation and integrity. This third point is what is affecting my life at the moment. The way your Mums father and cousin have accused me of being the cause of their issues really annoys me as it goes against the very essence of what I am about. I must learn to ignore these sorts of people who really know nothing about me and not let it get to me. I guess I do think that everyone should like me and get shocked when someone doesn’t. Watch that ego boy.

The title 'Waking World' is a great title for a story. I should try it out.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Projectile love

Busy day at work yesterday. Work dares to get in the way of my diary. I must have words with work.

Last night you were very restless again and I was concerned for a bit that you had some stomach problems because nothing was calming you. You had projectile vomited a big amount of milk when neighbours were visiting, nice timing. After that you appeared to want more milk over the next few hours. Again I would put you down and ten minutes later you would be crying. I held you and hummed to you, tried a bit of milk and eventually you stayed asleep. I love you so much, perhaps even more so during these times when you are a bit stressed, because I can comfort you and make you feel safe. It doesn’t mean that I am not getting a little frustrated sometimes but that is just the old ways trying to reassert themselves. Remember for 35 years I have been able to do what I want. Now I have someone to care for and it is hard work at times.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Snooty elitist French speakers

I’m working from home today so it is much busier than if I was just at work. Your Mum is taking a bath as I type this. She loves her bath.

You had one of those days where the 3-4 hours feeding ritual went out the window and you were hard to settle. In the afternoon it was like a 4 hour feeding session in which you had a bit, pood twice, put you to bed, you woke up, fed more etc etc. Despite all that you never really got too upset.

When I walk you around and hum melodies to you it doesn’t take long to settle you. I tend to sing the Frera Jaqua song:

Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques
Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?
Sonnez les matinées, sonnez les matinées
Ding dang dong, ding dang dong

Your Aunty thinks I say it wrong. What would she know.