Bath time brought to you by the parent Dad

Dear Daughter,

Six months old and if i was a betting man i would put good odds on you entering a career that involves water. It is a joy watching you kicking and splashing in just enough water that you can be independent without fear of swallowing too much. You grab hold of what i call the squelchy fish and shove it in your mouth, sucking out the water trapped within. But the funniest thing is the noises you make when your ears are submerged. You obviously enjoy the sound your voice makes in your head, don't we all. I remember doing the same thing as a child. Even out of the bath you lay on your stomach and make swimming motions, arms and legs off the ground and moving back and forth like those wind up paddling water toys you can get. It also looks like you are sky diving. I am looking forward to testing out my Premiere skills and filming you doing this, then replacing the mat with open sky. Now that would be priceless.

So in honour of your nightly tributes to the Little Mermaid, I present some nautical videos to warm the shackles of ye heart. Arrrrrrrrrr.



Now i am a big big fan of Brian Wilson as you know, however i could not help but notice that there was a lot of similarities between his song from Smiles water suite and the Sons Of The Pioneer track. I'm sure this was his intention, its more my own disappointment that i thought it was entirely original. Have a listen and see if you can hear it.



Lets hope you are never this difficult, i doubt it though.


Oh dear, just loving the musical accompaniment here.


I truly do not know what to say about this.


I would really love to know the words to this one, especially the bit where the mother kicks her child across the room.


And last but far from least, the best bath song ever.

Night Driving Music for pale young boys

Dear Daughter,

Your Mum and I were talking about car trips we had when we were young. There was something magical about these long drives. My parents would put down the back seats and i could lay there under a blanket looking up at the stars and the passing street lights. I would imagine i was flying through space passing through galaxies. It makes me think of this song -



But if i was to name the best night time driving song it would definately be this one -



All this talk about youth and holidays reminds me of The Kinks for some reason. I guess it is their fascination in family life and all things pastoral. The Village Green album was such and extreme antithises to the popular psychedelic and rock albums being made at the time. It completely bombed however now it is lauded as a masterpiece. Another album of theirs that just didnt catch on for similar reasons was Muswell Hillbillies. A weird combination of post-war Londons housing issues due to the bombing played in a decidedly American style. This particular song is not the best representation of this however it does remind me so much of your Great Grandmothers fondness for the English obsession with tea. I was after all discussing my youth somewhere above before i did a Karma Police and lost myself.



To finish off lets list a few more great Night Driving Songs.



Forgive the quality but this HAD to be in here




And finally the best empty highway at night song ever -

Completely missed the point, sorry Ray, sorry Bruce

Dear Daughter,

Who said music was dead? Ray Lamontagne is one of the finest songwriters of our time. Timeless stuff.

I must confess that with this song i am applying the Born In The USA principle of ignoring the meaning of the song and focussing entirely on a subset of lyrics. In this case the words 'You will shelter me, and i will shelter you'.




Here is a good video representing the real meaning behind Born In The USA in which President Reagan totally misinterpreted the meaning of the song.



Love Dad

Dream a little dream of me

Last night you woke up at 9:30 very upset. I wonder if you had a bad dream about cold milk or a world without Mummies and fingers to suck. I call out to the Viking Gods of the Dreamworld to send you peace of mind. This is their response -

The memory of sleeping

Dear Daughter,

Your Mum went through a few days of not feeling so good. She has not been taking her supplements and I think that played a big part. We think you got a little burnt on the face so she was kicking herself over this for days. She was second guessing every decision and I was beginning to think about the signs to look out for with new Mums. But I do just think it was the supplements.

The sleeping routine has been going very well. Its so important to have a plan and make sure you adhere to it. Its something you need to talk about and make sure you are both on the same page. Its amazing how many parents do not talk through this stuff.

You are really starting to kick your legs like mad in this rocker. Hi-5 gets you excited and you stop when they stop.

I came across this piece of music- Miserere by Gregorio Allegri. It is so beautiful.

It is from the 1630's and has an interesting story. The Pope at the time had forbidden to allow anyone to transcribe the music and it was only allowed to be performed at particular Church services in the Sistine Chapel. That is until 1770 when the fourteen-year-old Mozart was visiting Rome, when he first heard the piece during the Wednesday service. Later that day, he wrote it down entirely from memory (parts of this score had 10 part harmonies), returning to the Chapel that Friday to make minor corrections. Can you imagine that? Mozart was summoned to Rome by the Pope, only instead of excommunicating the boy the Pope showered praises on him for his feat of musical genius.

Some more songs for you, this time some memory songs. You know when you hear something and it brings back a memory or a place or even a smell? Well here are some of mine -

'Shes out of my life' by Michael Jackson -
I must have been very young, under 7 years old when I heard Mum sing this song in preperation for a funeral. I have the 45 still for this. I remember sitting in the living room watching Mum learn this song.

'A little bit more' by Dr Hook -
Another song from back in the pre-school days. I remember this song because I confused the line - "When your bodies had, enough of me and im laying flat out on the floor" with "When your bodies had, enough of me and the bear, walked out of the door". I remember singing this song enough times for it to have sunk in permanently.

'Soul kind of feeling' by Dynamic Hepnotics
Around the early high school years. It appealed to me for two weird reasons. The clip in which the singer has a weird head and he kept nodding it hypnotically right in the camera, and secondly because of the lines "you might be sitting alone in your room". I remember my response was the white honky version or "right on brutha". I spent so much time alone in my room during my teen years that songs like this were like secret friends who got me. Which leads to the next memory song for the same reasons -

'In my room' by The Beach Boys
This preceeds the other song by a number of years so I guess I was always a bit of a lonely kid. Brian Wilson was in my life even back before I knew who he was. As far back as I can remember I have liked this song. Which leads to the next memory song for the same reasons -

'Sloop John B' by The Beach Boys
It’s the line "I wanna go home, let me go home". I would ache with sympathy listening to this song, again at a very young age. Before Grade 3. Surely this is something to mull over, why at such a young age was I associating with loneliness?

Chimps with Ukuleles

Dear Daughter,

Here is a lovely song from Joseph Arthur.

This long weekend you finally worked out how to turn yourself around on to your stomach. The tricky part was your arm and I realised also your head. Once I worked out that you could do it if you just raised your head I gave you a few little nudges so you could understand what needed to be done. Soon after you started doing it yourself. You made such a racket working it all out. When you turned on your own the look on your face was unforgettable. It was almost triumphant. It feels really good seeing you progress along.

I learnt the song 'I'll see you in my dreams' on the Ukulele.
I love that song. You really love when I play to you. Your face just lights up, it is so lovely to be able to sing to you and make you happy. I spend heaps of time with you when I am home. I am very lucky that I can. Actually I shouldn’t be modest about this, its because I DO rather than I can.

You really enjoy sitting in your rocker in the kitchen and watching us do housework. I think you like watching all the hustle and bustle. I was listening to a talk on why humans took that next step and left the apes behind. They did studies with 2 1/2 years old and chimpanzees, giving them the same tasks. It works out that chimps can remember where food is much better but the children will learn how to do tasks in new ways by mimicking. The chimps will always stick to the old way of doing tasks despite being shown. Its interesting stuff really. Somewhere along the line the concept of improvement was applied to learning. Im sure we will see the perfect example of this in you over the coming years. Lets hope you get as smart as this fella


Love Dad

The war on Possomism

Dear Daughter,

We have just had a long weekend. My battle with the possums continues. So far they have been winning the battles but they will not win the war. Over the past couple of years they have been desimating our oak tree and waking me up with their noises just outside the bedroom window. Im sick of it and have been fixing it so they cannot get to the tree any more. I have put a chicken wire fence right across the roof, I have chopped back the holly tree so they cant jump across to that. I have been trying to prevent them coming along the power line and also have put plastic around the tree trunks. Each evening at dusk I head outside and see where they are getting in to the tree. Last night I thought I had finally blocked all their access points but then I heard a rustling in a smaller tree next door and somehow they managed to grab the end of a branch on the gum tree and drag themselves up it. I couldn’t believe how clever these buggers are. So this afternoon I am removing that limb. Lets see how they fare then!

Mum said that you should be able to grab hold of things now so we tried that out. You still cannot quite grab things and hold them yet but I did put a grabbing toy in your hand. You held on to it for a little while. Its still kinda weird that you are progressing according to how all the books predict.

It is incredible to see you use your voice more each day. Finding new sounds and using certain sounds to express yourself. We know your hungry cry now. Im almost certain that you have a singing voice you use when we are singing to you. You have your very happy high pitched yelp and your converstional monkey like ooh ooh which is my favourite. When we make you smile you make this funny kind of high pitched sound that starts croaky. We are recording what we can so you will be able to hear it for yourself I hope.

This was also the big move for you. You are now in your cot. This was an exciting development. I cant believe the pace of all this. Today you are 3 months old. It has been an amazing time. Sometimes a sleepy blur and other times a thrill of discoveries for both yourself and us. The cot move happened over the weekend during the day only. But Mum decided that we should just keep you in there so you could get used to it. The first day you kept waking up; I imagine it was a little strange to open your eyes and see new things around you instead of the white cotton walls of your bassinet. Its like when you first went into that, you had all this room to grow and already you are a bit too big for it so now we are back to you being a tiny thing in a big bed. And now we will see you fill up this space as well. Do you know I was walking at 7 months, I really hope you don’t follow my lead.

Most people are saying we are the spitting image of each other. I must admit I think so too. Looking at the baby photos of me it is amazing. I am sure that you will look more like your Mum when you get older. Did I mention that someone said they think that most babies look like their father so the fathers will not reject them. This has some truth to it. Looking way back in the tribal days where there was no such thing as monogamy. Evolution had to find a way to ensure that the child would be protected. By looking like the father they would know whos it is and that male would want to protect the baby. Its interesting, I wonder if this has been studied? Well I googled this and found a NY Times article that does seem to offer this as a possibility. Another study, published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior in 2003, seems to support this as well.

Goodness are you drinking a lot more now. Yesterday you just kept drinking. I mean hundreds of mils kept disappearing down your throat. We will need to be on the big bottles soon.

You have also started to fall asleep wherever you are. On the play gym and the rocking chair of yours. I watch you start to slow your movements and your arms begin to hang to your sides. Then your eyes get heavy and whammo, sleeping baby.

On Sunday I bought you a Mother Goose CD and a Play School CD. They are really terrific. Oh and I went over to your Grandparents house with your Grandpa actually there for the first time in a few years. Your Mum is a wise soul. She said she is filled with so much love for you that she just cannot be bothered holding on to any bad feelings any more. So a few weeks back she went over so your Grandad to see you for the first time. And he fell in love with you the second he saw you. Couldn’t stop saying how beautiful you are. As for me, well I have sort of reacted the opposite and got angrier at people. But I have taken your Mums advice in this matter and so I went over as well. He didn’t say hello to me and so I just sat on the ground talking to you. I guess it was good for him to see how doting I am on you as he really doesn’t know me at all. Then when we were leaving he was in the backyard and I was holding you. So I went back there and said say goodbye to grandpa. Your Mum thinks this would have been a big thing for him and he did follow us to the car to say goodbye. So this is a big lesson that you can never be truly certain of anything or anyone. Sometimes you have to listen to others and do what might first appear against the grain if it means good will come of it.

As this diary continues I will try and remember key songs that I believe are quintessential tracks to hear. So the first song I wish to add is -:

'What becomes of the broken hearted' which was originally a hit by Jimmy Ruffin who I know nothing about. It is one of those key songs in the Motown era. The house band who recorded so many of these great songs - The Funk Brothers play on this track. In the wonderful film Standing In The Shadows Of Motown, Joan Osborne does an incredible version of this song. It was quite shocking because she blew the others out of the water, this little croaky voiced white girl showed the most 'soul'. It also comes in at an emotional moment in The Wonder Years show. Its that bitter sweet line "But happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion" which effected me the most.



'Love Is Stronger Than Death' by The The.
The whole Dusk album came at the right time for me, it struck a chord. Songs that dealt with desperation and sadness but also filled with a sense that good things will come if you just allow it. It was me made into an album. At that time I was desperate to understand what love meant. I was battling my self doubt and just trying to learn from my experiences. The message in this song was extremely simple but totally effective. I love his line "Me and my friend were walking, In the cold light of mourning" (no not a spelling mistake). It starts off as this dark and desolate scene only to turn it on its ear and tell us that tears may blind your eyes but the soul is not deceived. It then bursts into this unabashedly joyous chorus in which springtime has arrived and the tears have dried. That everything that dies will rise because love is stronger than death. In the second verse he talks about hungering for what we cant have and not saying the things we want to say because we are too afraid of rejection. But in the end the spirit will speak and be a guide for us to be more than we are if we only listen. It also links with my belief in the Kundalini. The last lines are Shall rise Shall rise. As far as the album info, Johnny Marr of The Smiths played guitar on it. I remember an interview with the Producer and him saying that is the only album he ever produced that he kept listening to just because he loved it so much. I love the sound of this album in that it had space and yet still have a real atmosphere to it. This song proves that you don’t have to be complicated to make a song sound great. His album Infected was also voted album of the decade somewhere.

'Silent All These Years' by Tori Amos - I get emotional just thinking about this song. Im not one to always get lyrics, they either grab me and I take something from them or I tend to think of them as just sound. Even this song I couldn’t tell you what it means exactly, its just a few lines and the music itself that get me. Her lyrics are never obvious and are like abstract paintings that mean very different things for each person. This is an album for women, THE album for women or girls becoming women. Specific words jump out at me as separate ideas rather than a jigsaw puzzle. Like a Ginsberg poem in that those words together just work. "I got the anti-christ in the kitchen yelling at me again". "Your eyes focus on my funny lip shape, "So you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts". Actually there isnt a line that isnt beautiful in its own right. The section that makes me tear up is I guess the bridge in which it cresecends in sound and emotion. The lines are repeated in delay and then come back together again at the peak and then suddenly the song is quiet again. Wow, just inspired songwriting at its best. When I read it back now, I am reminded of another song on the album called Me And A Gun which is a very literal account of her being raped. I now realise that this song is also perhaps about that. When I think of it that way the line "boy you best pray that I bleed real soon" takes on a different meaning. I always took this line in the sarcastic sense. So I guess this is different to the other songs I have mentioned because it makes me think about women who have suffered more than anything related to my own life.

Love Dad

Happenings both home and abroad

Looking back at this week I think there has been some big developments going on. The most obvious is that you are reaching out to grab things now. You look like you have cerebal palsy still, arms don’t go exactly where you want them to, but its getting there. This means that you are now aware that you have arms. You are also tending to smile only to the people you really know instead of anyone. This means that you recognise individuals by sight and you are understanding those who you see most often.

Another big thing has been your attempts to roll on to your front. You are getting so close to success; your arms go over and then your leg; your head is facing the floor and its just that last little roll that isnt quite happening.

We got some great nursery rhymes from the library as well as a great DVD with music and different shapes to stimulate your brain. You love both of them. Mum was saying that your memory is getting better at this stage so when she puts the CD back on you get excited as you recognise the songs. I went and bought a Ukulele yesterday so I didn’t have to lug a big guitar to you, it just wasn’t happening. This is much much better. I played you a little song I made up on the walk home from the station (I must have looked like a wandering minstral) and you really enjoyed it. I cant wait to learn lots of songs for you. The aim is to create consistency for you at nights. Massage, Bach, quiet and a bedtime song (which I want to be See You In My Dreams).

Yesterday morning because it was so hot, Mum left you in the living room. Problem with that is I get up in the morning for work and have nowhere to get ready without waking you up. So we tried to creep in and pick up the bassinet and take it into your room. You were already stirring so by the time we were carrying you to the room you opened your eyes, saw me and started smiling away - "Hello Daddy, I see you". It is impossible to ignore your smiles, they are so cute. Mum and I just grinned at each other. But I kept quiet and we closed the door so Mum could express some milk and I could keep getting ready for work.

I was listening to a Podcast on an event I completely forgot about. I cant even remember where I heard it but as soon as I heard the first few bars I remembered. It was Marvin Gaye singing Stars and Stripes at the 1983 NBA All Star Game (it was also his last televised performance before his death). It really connected with people and became one of those happenings. Happenings are in my mind events that can have a profound impact on people and become part of cultural identity or even the global identity. Its an event that people talk about and remember for the rest of their life. Here are some I thought of quite quickly -

Marvin Gaye performance - nothing like this had ever been done before at a more conservative event. An interpretation of the national anthem. Its shook the country. Apparently the rehearsal went really badly.

This wasn’t a happening for me but I cant leave it out because it was even bigger than Gayes version. It spoke to a generation of Americans, most of them were hippies!


Australia 2 wins Americas Cup. This one I remember very well. I was screaming along with everyone else. I was watching it live at about 6am in the morning in the living room and it was a historic win (America had won it since 1851). It was a collective celebration. Its sort of the moment that Australia grew up and was recognised. It was the single biggest sporting moment in our history. It didn’t matter that most people knew nothing about it before this. I went crazy. To me it is these kind of happenings that prove there is a collective unconscious. The special winged keel which was kept a secret added to the mystique. Also read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australia_II



Muhammad Ali lights Olympic torch 1996. This has never left me. I was in tears watching this great man light the cauldron. There is so many levels going on here. He was the greatest most recognised sportsman ever and a great man to boot. Then there is his parkinsons which showed the world that nobody is infallible. It was such a shock to see him there for both these reasons. Nobody could have guessed he would be there as he really never appeared in the media. I suggest you watch Rumble in the jungle to understand what the fuss is about. It was a worldwide event, a great moment in history.



Kathy Freemans at the Sydney Olympics was also up there. The most shocking was the 92Barcelone Cauldron lighting. This guy had to practice and practise to ensure he got it right.


MASH - goodbye, farewell and amen. Ok so it’s a TV show, but it was the longest running show at that time and when it finally ended it was a really big deal. It helped that the final episode was amazing. The end of something like this is almost heart breaking. Its like a death. Something like 85 million people watched this final show. That is incredible. Think about it. The most personally emotional final show for me was The Wonder Years. I watched it with Martin and then on the drive home I had to stop the car because I was sobbing. It represented the end of my innocence as well. Time to become an adult, it was the death of my youth. A watershed moment. A great final episode can be almost unbearable to watch because it hurts so much.


Michael Jackson Moonwalks - Motown 25 years- 1983. This was worldwide news which is a little weird in some ways. But I think the combination of an amazing dance step never seen before with such and incredible song was enough to cause ripples and herald a new mega stars arrival. People saw this few seconds and just went WHAT WAS THAT! Thriller came along soon after this. He was totally unique and the world had not seen anything like this since the days of the musical in the 20s and 30's. I only saw it on the news, not the whole performance. In fact it was years before I finally saw it all. This was before the likes of youtube!


Princess Diana dies - well this was a big shock as well. Again im not a royalty fan or anything but I felt this collective shock at her death and I guess the media coverage which was exhausting makes it hard for you not to be involved. She was a good woman who got screwed over. The world was a lesser place without her.


Kurt Cobain dies - John Lennons death was bigger but I just have no memories of it. Not sure why really. But this one really rocked me. I was so upset by his feeling like he had to take his own life. It was sad but also the worst possible thing for our generation. He spoke to a lot of disillusioned people and whether he liked it or not he was someone we looked to for inspiration. I grew up in a generation of no heros and very few people you could look up to. I don’t really think there were any great people for the youth to gravitate towards. The 80's were all about making money and personal gain. Our movies and music really show this. I just had a hard time with what Kurt did and still think that a few years and he would have been relatively left alone. There are also the obligatory conspiracy theories that he was murdered.


9/11 - not much I can say about this one that isnt really obvious. It’s the biggest thing to happen in my life because America is so similar in many ways to us. It is certainly not the worst thing that has happened in my time; bombs go off killing hundreds far too often in the Middle East. But again this was about the footage, images that burnt into your brain. It was always going to be a spectacle, a macabre blockbuster. Compare this to the killing fields in Cambodia which happened when I was a child and you see that it pales in comparison .(The executed were buried in mass graves. In order to save ammunition, the executions were often carried out using hammers, axe handles, spades or sharpened bamboo sticks. Some victims were required to dig their own graves; their weakness often meant that they were unable to dig very deep. The soldiers who carried out the executions were mostly young men or women from peasant families. Estimates of the number of dead range from 1.7 to 2.3 million out of a population of around 7 million.) But because we actually got to witness the gigantic buildings crashing down it was always going to be given more impact than it deserved. I don’t pretend not to be a media voyeur so I was glued to the TV for days.


Watching Breakfast Club for the first time - this was the film of my generation. It spoke to me so completely. Martin and I would watch this all the time, must have seen it well over 100 times. We knew pretty much all the lines and would turn the volume down and do the lines ourself. Im not sure if it will mean anything to you or not. I wanted to be Judd Nelson and I did start dressing like him and growing my hair. I think we were the pissed off generation. We had issue with authority, sub cultures were popping up everywhere from goth to sporto's to geeks. All of a sudden it became really important for you to fit into a category and define yourself by that. Music, film and fashion started to break into sub categories and it was really the end of the super groups that everyone listened to. There was no Beatles or the like. U2 were the closest thing. Nobody wanted to be ordinary any more and the influence of media really started to have an impact on peoples perceptions. At the time I thought it all very dull. But then as a group we all made a point of looking pissed off. It was our shtick.


The Young Ones Episode 1. This was my cult TV show. It was rude, silly, crazy and spoke to our generation of dissefected youth. I mentioned before how things started to get broken down into sub groups. Genres of music became much more obvious and having these four very different characters living together was the perfect expression of this. It is hard to explain how entrenched this show got in our lives. We could literally go for hours just saying quotes from the show. It became part of our language, much like the Simpsons did later. It was a huge part of my youth and that first time I sat down and watched what all the fuss was about, I was in teenage heavan.


Ash Wednesday. This was a really scary time. Major fires were occuring all around the Yarra Valley. I remember walking out on the patio, it was pitch dark and in the distance I could see a red glow and all around me white ash was falling like snow. It was apocalyptic and may have fueled my obsession with that genre.


Protest march against the war in Iraq - 2006. I had never been involved in a march before. I am not community minded enough which is a failing. But this war was so obviously wrong and motivated by greed that I was compelled to join along with the many many thousands in voicing my outrage. I went with Charles and we really felt like we were part of something very special. A collective voice and mind marching down Swanston Street to the City Square. It was very emotional and very spiritual in a way. When a collective of people all have their attention on one thing it can be very powerful. It didn’t help much really because these people just do what they want anyway, however it did end up contributing to the downfall of both John Howard and UK PM Blair who agreed to send troops to aid America in this illegal invasion. It is a fascinating psychological phenomena to realise that it is the US that has committed acts of evil on a scale never seen before using chemical weapons of mass destruction (Hiroshima) and yet we ignore that and fear the middle eastern guy who in the end didn’t even have any built! There is no videos from Melbourne but watch this one.

Breaking out of the comfort zone.

Can you see how this diary has changed? I guess it will be this way for a little while as I still find a routine and some energy to keep this going. I find that any down time I get I just want to veg out and watch Deep Space 9 episodes. My biggest surprise so far has been the way your Mum has stepped up and really become the patient one of the both of us. Still for me I tend to get a little impatient if I know that I will be up until late and have to get up to work the next day. But your Mum shows such fortitude and unwavering enthusiasm. She has all this energy and going from someone who cherished sleep it has been amazing to me that she gets up after a couple of hours sleep with no complaints. Not that she necessarily wakes up straight away.

On Saturday morning around 2am I heard you begin your sequence of waking up which leads to crying if you are not on your toes. I heard you first and as it was Mum who was getting up I said her name to gently wake her up.

"Sweets"
"Mmmm"
"Little ones rousing"
"nnnnnwha?"
"Little ones waking up"
"nnnn its ok"
"What?"
"Its ok I have her"
"What do you mean?"
"(getting agitated) I have her, im holding her"
"What are you talking about?"
"Im holding her now its ok"
"Honey what are you on about, she’s waking up"
"What? Oh, ok".

I have had these kinds of conversations with her before. She gets confused with dream and the waking world. She finally wakes up and goes to prepare the milk for you. Apparently she was dreaming at that very moment about holding you. I actually got up myself a few minutes later to just check that she hadn’t remained confused and fed the bottle to Pippy and put you on the girls bed next to Carnie.

You will be very proud to know that you still drink more, poo more and fart louder than all the other babies at Mothers Group. When we burp you it’s the cutest thing to watch. You stretch out your arms and your legs and make a big groaning sound. We call it the 'Superman'. On Sunday night you were very thirsty indeed and downed about 150mls or more of milk. I had you over my shoulder (you can see what’s coming cant you, I wish I could have) and with no warning at all you threw up the whole lot right down my front. I was soaked. You had this satisfied look on your face after that, then proceeded to demand more milk! Argggghhhhhhhhh.

Mum joined in with me singing Frère Jacques while we were changing you. Your little face went into this state of concentration as you were listening to us. You really seemed to enjoy it. I think it must emit some good vibrations. Perhaps your relative calmness can be attributed to our approach to parenting. We are both very calm people and they do say babies just mirror back what they are surrounded by. I love giving both of you a hug. I’m not sure I have properly explained to you yet but I sing to you almost all the time. A lot more than I just speak. Speaking is singing in some way and so I think making it more pronounced can only help you understand language quicker later.

Your Mum loves our bath time together. She was telling me that one of the other new Dads from her Mums group loves to have shower time with his little one. That would be so funny seeing your face as the water hit you. Apparently they just moved the nozzle down so it didn’t get in their eyes. Have I told you that you have discovered my chest hair and grab it with those strong little fingers and refuse to let go? Now that smarts.

I’m very proud of the way we your Mum and I work together. I think our relationship is deepening in some really special ways. We both have made some changes regarding how we handle times of frustration and how to handle each other when this happens. At Mums Group some of the women were saying they have never argued so much with their husbands. For us it is quite different. We keep an eye out for each other and also talk about our approach to looking after you so we can make sure everything is consistent. This means small stuff as well like burping and wrapping and how to wipe your bum. We are a well oiled machine at the moment. I think I am doing a good job of keeping your Mum mentally on track as she tackles what to do with breastfeeding. Sometimes you have to just say “this is how it’s going to happen”, rather than make it a discussion. It is tiring stuff for her and it important to keep her looking at the big picture and counting your wins as well as your losses.

Listening to the John Safran Podcast last night and there was a man who spent time in jail and has since turned his life around. He read a lot of books and worked out what successful people had in common and tried to apply it to his life. Three things stood out to me. Firstly they all were brutally honest with themselves, secondly they denied themselves certain things to learn how to break out of their comfort zones and lastly that they all jealously guard their reputation and integrity. This third point is what is affecting my life at the moment. The way your Mums father and cousin have accused me of being the cause of their issues really annoys me as it goes against the very essence of what I am about. I must learn to ignore these sorts of people who really know nothing about me and not let it get to me. I guess I do think that everyone should like me and get shocked when someone doesn’t. Watch that ego boy.

The title 'Waking World' is a great title for a story. I should try it out.

Snooty elitist French speakers

I’m working from home today so it is much busier than if I was just at work. Your Mum is taking a bath as I type this. She loves her bath.

You had one of those days where the 3-4 hours feeding ritual went out the window and you were hard to settle. In the afternoon it was like a 4 hour feeding session in which you had a bit, pood twice, put you to bed, you woke up, fed more etc etc. Despite all that you never really got too upset.

When I walk you around and hum melodies to you it doesn’t take long to settle you. I tend to sing the Frera Jaqua song:

Frère Jacques, Frère Jacques
Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?
Sonnez les matinées, sonnez les matinées
Ding dang dong, ding dang dong

Your Aunty thinks I say it wrong. What would she know.

This weeks 'Friday Affettuoso' - a John Cale cover

This weeks 'Friday Affettuoso' is a wonderful cover of John Cale's masterpiece 'I keep a close watch'. Originally released on Helen Of Troy it also appeared on Music For a New Society.

John Cale is one of the few originals (other notable is Bowie) willing to push himself into new aural landscapes whether it sells or not. From his work with Velvet Underground to his solo work, there has been no compromising. He has also produced such artists as The Stooges, Nico, Patti Smith and Jonathan Richman.



Other John Cale recommendations - Paris 1919, Vintage Violence, Slow Dazzle, HoboSapiens.

More holidays to Apollo Bay, less work please

It’s getting real close now. Down to weeks. Your Mum has put a towel on the car seat just in case the levee breaks. "I work on the levee, mama both night and day, I work so hard, to keep the water away. It's a mean old levee, cause me to weep and moan, gonna leave my baby, and my happy home". My job is my levee too, I resent it enough now let alone when you arrive. I still want to be an at home Dad for you. Your Mum enjoys her job and gets all the holidays whereas I hate the job and get very few holidays. I would love to be around for you as you grow up. Its not always possible however, we shall just have to see. I hope we have given you enough of our time that you don’t feel short changed.

This weekend was another backbreaking chain gang of chores entirely of my own choosing. I have been painting so much that on Friday when I took Nan to the MSO concert I was barely able to applaud. My arms shaking violently as I strained to raise them and provide yet another encore opportunity for the conductor. You’re Mum and I have been to five concerts this year for the MSO. This last one we decided I should take my Gran for a night out. It was at the Town Hall instead of the usual showier venue. Nan told me that the last time she was in the town hall was for the Bing Crosby appreciation society club dance when she was 17 (that would make it around 1946). She talked about all the places she used to go on nights out and for lunches. She went on a date with an English sailor once and was escorted back to the station where he shook her hand and said "Thankyou I had a lovely time, good evening Miss Howie". I told this to your Mum and she just rolled her eyes and went "gypped". She has a dirty mind sometimes. My Nan also volunteered in a canteen in Collins St where she made sandwiches and coffee for the servicemen. She met my Grandad from memory working in Myer together. I will be getting all these stories and adding them to the diary later. I told her I want to video them telling all kinds of stories about their life for you. The great thing about digital format is that we can just shoot for hours and store it on a hard drive. The stories she tells me are so amazing, such a different life to what yours will be, although it is my intention to make sure you experience some of the same things they did. Volunteering at old age homes, tree planting days, things like that.

Grandpa tells me that when he was an underage house painter he used to have to carry all his equipment, including the ladder and paint tins in the train with his bike. Can you imagine that now? If you want evidence for how lazy we have become just look at the beginning of this paragraph. Poor little Dad has sore arms because he has done a little painting for Gods sakes. I milk it for all its worth once I get back upstairs, making wincing noises and rubbing my arms like I just wrestled with Zeus. So by the time you have arrived she has already got a good 15 years Mothering experience from looking after me.

I just read a Blog about a guy whose ear hair was mistaken for a stray bit of clothing fluff. I commented that I have so much fuzz on my ears that if I stand in front of a light it looks like I am growing angel’s wings out the side of my head. I also have either chest hair creeping up to my chin or a beard which is losing the fight against gravity and moving down to my chest. In the last year my eyebrows have established a few rogue hairs which have broken with convention and decided to create an upper canopy, which may provide shade for the shorter well behaved hairs but does nothing for my faces symmetry. By trimming the offending hairs to their regular size begins a vicious cycle that only exacerbates over time. For once you trim that hair the surrounding hairs think this is an opportunity to take over the position of head boy. All of a sudden you have a race for the sun on your hands, as your eyebrow begins to look more like a pair of hairy caterpillars on growth hormones. Give it a few years and I won’t need to wear a capped hat.

Your Mum is having weird baby dreams. She just told me about this one this morning. She went into labour and so I rushed her to the hospital. Then we are sitting in the waiting room and the nurse comes up to us and hands the baby over to her. She couldn’t remember having it though and asked me if she had to take any drugs. I told her no and she did really well. She then uncovered the baby who was all wrapped up including her head. She was beautiful, but then the more she looked the more she started noticing dog features, the eyes got bigger and the face started sprouting hair and the ears got pointy. By the end she said you looked exactly like a Chihuahua.

Christmas is soon upon us as well, a fact that I am sure you are tired of hearing because it will fall so close to your birthday. I was talking to my Nan about how the Christmas spirit of community and group celebration is virtually gone from the workplace because they don’t wish to spend the money on their staff any more. I said that this is part of a bigger issue and one in which will effectively wipe out the concept of loyalty and pride in your work. People are now thinking if they can’t even be bothered giving us a decent Christmas party why should I put in any effort? Cost cutting does not save money for a company. It breeds apathy and resentment which then effects performance and the bottom line. I can remember going to our local social Club when I was a kid to see Santa. It was a venue where people can meet and have a drink, eat dinner, have a dance etc. They put on a great day for the family for all the Club members. Santa would even come in a helicopter (he would sit in my grandparents leather chair which I hope will come to us). It was damn the expense and let’s give them a great time to say thanks for being a member. This does not happen any more. The Club itself is now just another venue built around pokies machines. Well I will try my best to make sure you have a ball during Christmas. I will aim to get the street involved and have a big Christmas party in the park for everyone to come to. Am I an idealist or has it actually come true? I hope that I have risen the occasion and done everything I can to make you a well rounded person.

So anyway, back to Bach. The Friday concert was the best yet, Bach is my favourite music. It just speaks to me and I don’t have to struggle to understand it and I am never bored listening to it. What is different is that his music often doesn’t have any melodies that you immediately recognise or even remember once the piece is finished. It’s those intertwining lines of melody that don’t really go anywhere that appeal to me. It doesn’t really go anywhere, you don’t recall strong repeating themes repeating and then given variations in different keys and tempos. It doesn’t always resolve itself in obvious ways that someone like Mozart is so good at. Its music of the ether, Gods music. It is the kind of music you can listen to for years before it becomes too familiar. The perfect desert island disk would be Bach. We also listened to a new Clarinet Concerto by Ross Edwards which was wonderful and finally Beethoven's 5th which is also one of the most perfect pieces of music ever created. It was a wonderful concert and im glad I got to share it with my Grandma.

Im sitting here on the top floor looking out to the Dandenong ranges. The dark grey clouds are hovering low above our house and lighting strikes light up the sky. Rain has become more precious than oil.

Bought the Definitive Rolf Harris and 'The most relaxing Bach album in the world'.

Listening to music we can play during your birth, here are some I found today -


Shostakovich - Symphony No.9 in E Flat Major, Op. 70 - Moderato
Haydn - Symphony No.22 in E Flat Major, "The Philosopher" - Adagio
Hayden - Symphony No.26 in D Minor, "Lamentatione" - Adagio (Chorale)
Mahler - Symphony No.1 in D, "The Titan" - 3. Feierlich und gemessen, nicht schleppend
Beethoven - Piano Sonata No.14 "Moonlight" - Adagio sostenuto
Beethoven - Piano Sonata No.8, "Pathetique" - Adagio cantabile
Beethoven No.6, "Pastoral" - Allegro ma non troppo

This weeks 'Friday Affettuoso' - Surf's Up

This weeks 'Friday Affettuoso'is a very special one for me as it features my all time favourite Pop song, 'Surf's Up' by Brian Wilson and Van Dyke Parks.

This early version of 'Surf's Up' with just Brian at the piano is from Leonard Bernstein's 1966 TV Special "Inside Pop". Bernstein said of it - "There is a new song, too complex to get all of first time around. It could come only out of the ferment that characterizes today's pop music scene. Brian Wilson, leader of the famous Beach Boys, and one of today's most important musicians, sings his own 'Surf's Up.' Poetic, beautiful even in its obscurity, 'Surf's Up' is one aspect of new things happening in pop music today. As such, it is a symbol of the change many of these young musicians see in our future".

"Surf's Up" was written in a single night. Enjoy.

Bassinets, bellies and blubbering

You found something to play with last night. We sat there in amazement watching the top part of Mums belly button moving up and down. It looked like you were poking it from the inside. It really was bizarre. Also on Saturday night your Mum woke me up at 3am, screaming that she had a cramp in her calf. I sat bolt upright in the bed, grabbed her leg and started to rub furiously, blinking and staring around the room in confusion. She then said thanks to me and decided she wanted to have a conversation with me. It’s like dealing with Sybil (movie reference). I wasn’t having any of it and I dropped back down onto the pillow and immediately fell back to sleep.


Chas helped out all weekend with the painting of the garage that we are converting; it saved me an entire weekend of work. Best of all I got to play all kinds of music that he never would have listened to of his own accord. See that actually was the highlight over how great the room is looking. My sense of perspective is completely warped and terribly biased on music. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sadie and her man bought you a bassinet. I love that she gets to experience the same kind of relationship with you that I had with her. I was 17 when she was born and Sadie will be 19 when you are born. She will be able to understand the special relationship that you have with such an age difference. She will be able to understand why I went to London for a while and why I went to Queensland to live for a bit. I was at that age of exploration and it is a bit of a selfish time in your life. I’m not sure if she feels like I wasn’t there enough or not actually. I should ask her. I went to almost all of her school concerts from kindergarten up, I loved them although the later ones did tend to go on a bit. But that feeling of pride when I saw her up there on the stage was all encompassing. I went to more of these things than her father did.

I just realised that at this stage I am not talking about you all that much. I understand that it’s enjoyable reading things about yourself. The thing is, you still are a bump albeit a much more active one now, never the less you are not you yet. And trust me, I will run out of stories about myself and your Mum real quick. Pretty soon its just going to be all about you and you will be begging for another witty anecdote about my wacky younger years.

Reading Algis Budrys - Some will not die
Listening to The Decembrists - The Crane Wife
Chewing some free Mentos gum.

This weeks 'Friday Affettuoso' - High Llamas

This weeks 'Friday Affettuoso' is one of those finds that occured when searching for similar artists to The Beach Boys, The High Llamas. Great dinner music and one of those groups that you can impress people with your vast knowledge.

For a brief time there was going to be a collaboration with Brian Wilson and Sean O'Hagen who basically is this band. It never eventuated. Enjoy.

02nd November 2007

I asked your Mum to make a contribution to the diary and this is what I got - "My boobs have got bigger. I am aware of you the entire day now. I get cramps in my calves". Well I did spring it on her I guess. Plus it is all very true. It is actually quite hard to think of anything to write regarding how she is going. She is just doing really well and about the only thing that is different is that she cant lift things. She has been for checkups and you are head down at the moment which is fantastic news. We went to a class last night which gave me some good information on what I can do to help during the labour. We need to start thinking about making up a bag with everything we want. I am collating music to play which will mainly be classical. We just have to think of things that will make her more comfortable. Last night in bed I was humming to you. I realised that rather than repeating the same song I should just humm melodies to you now because that is what I will be doing later. I do it for myself all the time. I did it with Sadie too.

24th October 2007

We watched a wonderful film called 'Once'. Your Mum says the guys reminds her of me. I cant see that really myself. Similar songwriting style I guess. Its about an Irish busker caught in a rut. A girl comes along and helps him to get out of his funk and start living his dream. It’s a heartbreaking movie but if it ends up that you don’t write songs yourself, this movie will definitely help explain what it feels like to write one, I totally associated with the imagery. When you write a song you do often hear the arrangement in your head. I have been writing songs since I was about 16 or 15 from memory. I would have forgotten or lost the tapes of many of them over the years. But I don’t think you should hold on to old work anyway, its like keeping a pair or pants that you don’t fit into anymore and they have a split in the back anyway. It was very organic how I started writing. I learnt the basic guitar, listened to lots of songs and started strumming them. Eventually I think I just started putting music to my poems which I was writing a lot of. Your Mum reckons I would mimic whoever I was into at the time and it wasn’t until a few years ago or even less that she felt that I was making my own sound. Now I am very proud of the fact that I really don’t sound like anyone else. I can not imagine someone covering many of my songs and I still can’t figure out how a band could arrange them. I have this fantasy that I have written to a heap of big producers and set them a challenge to record my music.

It also makes me think about how I will approach your learning new skills. I doubt that I will be very lenient with you regarding giving up on things. I will try to keep check on that. Its my feeling that it takes years to build up skills in things so the sooner you start the happier you will be when you hit your late 20's and will actually start reaping the benefits. I think I will push for your learning a language right away, a musical instrument, a sport, writing stories, art at home and exploring a science together. It really comes down more to us than you in making this happen. This is all idealism I know and the reality may prove vastly different. But then I always love challenging that belief. I think consistency enables these things to be actualised.

Holden Premier HQ - my first car

This entry deserves a title -

My First Car

Your Mum and I used to go to clubs quite frequently. Most weekends actually. Once we found a great night we would stick with it. One of the best was the Beehive which was just at a pub in Spencer street. It was a goth hangout and they played fantastic music. The people were friendly and it was just a great atmosphere. No aggression. And yes there were a few occasions that I did go Goth to the fullest extent. Black lipstick, white face, mascara and teased hair. In fact I looked the spitting image of The Cure's Robert Smith. There is something liberating about becoming something different, making such a visual statement that you belong to a sub-group. It is very tribal. I didn’t continue with it because I don’t need external signposts to tell others what I am about. I would rather people have to work at it. So when people ask me what animal I would be. I guess I would have to think of an animal that does not use its body to attract attention or to deter attention. So im no peacock or monkey or emu, flashing my plume or baring my teeth. I reckon im more like a koala. Quiet and slow to anger and definitely not attracting attention. I think I fade into the crowd quite well. I would have made a good spy. So gothism or any other subbacultcha (see Pixies) has never been my cup of tea. But once in a while it is good to play a role. There was one particular time that myself and Chas went the whole hog thanks to the ladies help and we headed off in my Holden HQ to the Beehive.

My car was the best. It was a hand-me-down from my father and had been around for a while. It even went to Tasmania with them when they moved down there. When Dad left his then wife he moved back to live with his Dad in Ashwood. The car is a V8. It’s the only car I really loved, maybe because he eventually gave it to me. But not before committing what some people would call a series of atrocities to its exterior. Bored with life and the conversations with his father about food, my Dad decided it was time to give the old girl a bit of a spruce up. There was the obligatory rust problems (you could actually see the road between the passengers feet) and the old brown paintwork was old and out of fashion. Now my father has never let quality stand in his way of getting the job done. He has never concerned himself with the sorts of standards and rules that apply to others (he wont drink water when working hard because he thinks it makes you more thirsty). When he helped me create a path in our backyard he poo-pood the idea that you should use sand and crushed rock to get a balance and prevent weeds. Inevitably this path is the worst offender for weeds now (I did the rest on my own, WITH sand and rock) and his response is to pour petrol over the path. So when it came to painting a car it never occurred to him to buy the right paint or get a spray gun for a nice even finish. Instead he went into the garage and looked to see what paint was there, he found some lovely house paint left over of my granddads but not quite enough for the job. So he went off to the shops and purchased a little more house paint, matt finish, and not the same colour! My guess is it was on sale. The paint was actually not rust proof either and after mixing it with the other paint it came out a strange reddish brown colour (I have photos). Well I guess its cheaper than getting therapy and less damaging than slashing his wrists, but as far as contributing to art and beauty, im afraid he failed miserably. From a distance the matt finish was rather fetching and looked ok, but from close up all you could see were various brush strokes in different directions. It was frankly bizarre and a little insane. But as an 18 year old who just got his license, well beggers cant be choosers and frankly it appealed to my sense of individuality and flair for the ridiculous. It became a well known car for a while there as I reached driving age before anyone else in my year and added to that and the bizarre colour was the sound. The car had apparently been tinkered with over the years and it was the coolest sounding car in the world. Gruff, growling and insanely loud, it made heads turn everywhere it went. I loved this car.

I also brought in my own element of the ridiculous by using my home stereo with batteries instead of installing a car stereo (it had an old AM radio which while retro cool, did not impress chicks). The stereo was a boom box as they called it, about the size of a big shoe box. It took about 12 large batteries and had tape deck and radio (aerial pulled up inside the car). You may think this is funny but I have more to come. Frankly the speakers that were attached to the stereo just didn’t do it for me (the car was too loud). I found that even with all the windows down it was not having the impact on passers by that I was seeking. So instead I grabbed the speakers from my bigger house stereo, about as high as a desk and attached those instead. I had to put belts on them so they didn’t move so it meant that passengers needed to sit up front with me (bucket seats in the front meant I could sit 4 if needed). But oh the sound. Nothing pleased me more than taking off from school and passing by all the other students, car growling like a caged lion and now with speakers that were able to be heard over the car sounds. The Pixies would be on more often than not as they were nice and loud. Add to this my suede jacket and purple John Lennon glasses and I was a wonderful muddle of contradiction, a hippy with a V8. So that’s your father…..and your grandfather!

Now somewhere further up I was talking about how Chas and I got all gothed up to go to the Beehive. We took my car and there were four in the back and three in the front. On the way there was a booze bus so we were pulled over for a breath test. We pulled up to the cop and the look on his face when he saw me and the others with all the makeup and black clothing was priceless. He noticed there were four people sitting in the back, only two with seat belts on. I told him that’s all there were and grinned at him nervously. He looked back at me, back at my friends, shook his head and said "I cant handle this, just go". So off we went, passing by other police who were doubled over laughing. It was quite an experience.

BTW - phone numbers used to be without the 9 at the start. Ex 873 0168